Tag Archives: workplace romance

July 14, 2018

 

Rays of Sunlight

 

A.Z.,

My future wife and I currently work at the same local small business. I am a manager, and she is only an entry-level employee. It has recently become clear that we will no longer be able to continue to work together—at least not if we want to pursue our romantic relationship any further. Needless to say, I would never have proposed if I didn’t think the two of us had a bright and very hopeful romantic future. It is precisely right there where the rub comes in. Now that it has become clear one of us has to leave the workplace, my fiancée is very much adamant that it should be me. Because her position is only entry level, it is my fiancée’s reasoning that me leaving (since one of us will have to leave anyway) will inevitably allow for her to move further upwards through the company, which very much strives to promote from within. That being said, it has taken me many years to achieve the level of manager, and there is certainly no guarantee I will be able to find a job in our community that pays nearly so well as the job I currently have. Besides which, I love what I do and I don’t want to leave.

So what do you think? If one of us has to leave the company, shouldn’t it be the one at the bottom end of the totem pole? It goes without saying that my fiancée will be able to find a similarly low-paying entry-level job elsewhere.

—Trying Hard to Not Be Selfish

 

Hi, Trying Hard.

I honestly see very little amiss with your reasoning. Common sense seems to dictate that if one of you has to leave the same company anyway, than it should almost certainly be the one in a lower position—unless of course the higher-up individual does not have plans to stay there much longer. You obviously want very much to stay, and you have also presumably worked very hard to get where you are.

That being said, try not to make too big a point of your fiancée finding “a similarly low-paying entry-level job elsewhere.” Unless of course you want to sound like a big boob and have your fiancée ultimately drop you.

 


 

Feel free to contact Anonymous Zaius and ask him dating/relationship questions at AnonymousZaius@gmail.com.

For the record, Anonymous Zaius (AKA Jason Famous) is not, nor has he ever been, a licensed counselor or psychologist. What advice he has to give was acquired the old-fashioned way, through the dual schools of both hard knocks and his own personal dating experience. It thus goes without saying the above dating advice is to be used for purposes of entertainment only.

 

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March 24, 2018

 

Lone Cornfield Tree

 

A.Z.,

Maybe I just have a really overactive imagination, but I’m almost positive my boss of six months is interested in having an affair with me. We work in a customer-service-based environment. Whenever business is slow, my manager almost always begins to flirt with me. She always touches my arm when she speaks with me, and sometimes she even touches my knee. No matter what I say to her, she always laughs and flutters her eyelashes. Although she’s married and has a kid, I don’t know that she’s all that happy. Her husband is a rich prick, for one thing, for whom nothing ever seems to be good enough. She has also confided in me that they almost never have sex.

If my manager is in fact interested in me, should I go for it? The last thing I want is to make things between me and my manager any more awkward, as I plan to continue working there until I’m finally out of graduate school. At the same time, I don’t know that I want to pass up what might be a really great opportunity. Not only is my manager terribly attractive, but she seems to be actually interested. And it’s not like I’ve been having a whole lot of luck in the love department.

—More Than Just a Mere Employee?

 

Hello there, More Than Just a Mere Employee.

Looks like you have found yourself in a real pickle. On the one hand, you seem to like your job and don’t want to lose it. On the other, you don’t want to miss out on a potential romantic opportunity.

Unfortunately, I do believe it will be nearly impossible to take both paths simultaneously. You will therefore have to choose between the two options. If you do decide to pursue a romantic relationship, be warned. Even if it does work out and she is in fact interested in you, things will never again be the same for you. What if you have sex and she then regrets it? Worse still, what if her husband finally gets wind of it? Not only will things between you then be very awkward, but her entire marriage may well fall apart—with you getting the full brunt of the blame for it. I therefore suggest you focus on school and your job for the time being and see where things go. If (and that is a very big if) her marriage does not work out, you could always pursue a relationship with your manager later, AFTER you have graduated from school and no longer work there.

In the meantime, I suggest you try and stop with all the flirting. Although your manager may in fact be flirting with you—if anything, just to pass the time—that does not necessarily mean she wants things to progress to the next level. The last thing either one of you needs is to further complicate what is presumably a very busy, demanding workplace with something as potentially life-altering as an extramarital affair.

 


 

Feel free to contact Anonymous Zaius and ask him dating/relationship questions at AnonymousZaius@gmail.com.

For the record, Anonymous Zaius (AKA Jason Famous) is not, nor has he ever been, a licensed counselor or psychologist. What advice he has to give was acquired the old-fashioned way, through the dual schools of both hard knocks and his own personal dating experience. It thus goes without saying the above dating advice is to be used for purposes of entertainment only.

 

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December 6, 2017

 

Alt Yosemite

 

A.Z.,

My troubles began back in August of this year. I am a software engineer at a well-known, internationally reputable software company. I have a beautiful wife, three kids, and a large dream house that is close to finally being paid off. For all intents and purposes, I appear to have a perfect life. Unfortunately, it all began to veer off the rails for me with the hiring of “Angie,” one of the test engineers who now currently works for me. Not only is Angie very good-looking, but the two of us actually have quite a bit of previous history. She was in fact my one big, unrequited crush from all the way back in high school. That I never dared approach her or talk to her you could probably well understand. I was a bit geeky back in high school, and I was also incredibly awkward when it came approaching the opposite sex. Now, on the other hand, I have no choice but to interact with Angie on an everyday basis. To my great surprise, it actually seems like Angie is into me. At first, it began with mere flirtation. The two of us would talk and joke around with each other. Before long, we both found ourselves working on projects together late into the evening hours. Then, just last week, I confessed to Angie that I had always had a simply massive crush on her. She laughed after I’d finally admitted this, as she too had apparently always harbored similar feelings. We then shared a quick kiss on the lips, which in turn made me immediately backtrack. Not only did I betray my beautiful wife by kissing this Angie woman, but it also seemed like I had betrayed my three little daughters. Am I tempted to run off and make a new life for myself with Angie, who is nothing less than the complete and utter woman of my dreams? Yes, absolutely. At the same time, I have always strived hard to be a good guy, and the last thing I would ever want to do is be disloyal to my family.

So this now is my conundrum: Do I take off with Angie, effectively exiting my dream life and abandoning my family, or do I find a way to justify having Angie be fired? Needless to say, I cannot endure working with a woman who continues to tempt me. Leaving my job is also not a possibility, as I have been working my ass off the last twenty years to begin moving progressively up the corporate ladder. Now that I am finally in a senior position within our company, the last thing I would ever want to do is endanger it.

—Very Conflicted, and Yet Still a Complete Gentleman

 

Hi, Very Conflicted.

I understand where you are coming from. At the same time, I can’t help but make this one simple observation: In no way do you appear to be taking responsibility for your actions. You keep blaming this “Angie woman,” as you refer to her, like she alone is responsible for your current conflict. In fact, you are Angie’s superior at work. As her superior, it goes without saying that the onus of responsibility ultimately falls solely upon your shoulders; and NOT upon hers. That it is difficult for you to work around someone you used to have such strong feelings towards sort of goes without saying. If you truly do love your life, your job, and your family, then the best possible thing you can do is REFUSE to have anything to do with Angie outside of the workplace. Do not flirt, do not joke around, and absolutely do not be tempted to run away with her. More importantly still, absolutely DO NOT fire or otherwise retaliate against Angie. If I were you, I would ask to be reassigned to a different department. If that ends up affecting your future career progression, so be it. Far better that than to risk a very serious lawsuit.

P.S. In light of all the sexual harassment/assault accusations in the news of late, I would tread especially carefully. As you are clearly Angie’s superior at work, your behavior could well constitute sexual harassment. Not only will you risk losing your family by pursuing a relationship with her, but you may well wind up risking your job. You should absolutely apologize to Angie at your earliest convenience and explain to her that you are not interested in pursuing any kind of future romantic relationship. If she gets upset in the wake of this and approaches HR, then again, the onus of responsibility ultimately falls upon you. Best of luck, and I do hope that everything works out for you.

 


 

Feel free to contact Anonymous Zaius and ask him dating/relationship questions at AnonymousZaius@gmail.com.

For the record, Anonymous Zaius (AKA Jason Famous) is not, nor has he ever been, a licensed counselor or psychologist. What advice he has to give was acquired the old-fashioned way, through the dual schools of both hard knocks and his own personal dating experience. It thus goes without saying the above dating advice is to be used for purposes of entertainment only.

 

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