Tag Archives: Undecided About Marriage

February 9, 2018

 

Thailand Waterfall

 

A.Z.,

To put it bluntly, should I marry my long-time boyfriend or not? We have been dating for close to six years. At first, after maybe a year of dating, we talked all the time about one day getting married. Now, however, he never even brings it up. When I do broach the topic of us getting married, he right away gets a disgusted look on his face. He then immediately changes the subject. I also know for a fact that he does not want children, while I, on the other hand, very much do. It is now getting to the point where all my female friends are getting married and already having children. I am fit and attractive and always watch what I eat. So it’s not like my husband doesn’t find me attractive—especially since we have sex almost all the time. The last time I brought the idea of marriage up, he sighed and then reluctantly agreed—so long as I do all the wedding planning and pay for every cent of it. Needless to say, I can hardly afford this—as he works full-time at a high-paying investment firm, and I am still going to school for counseling and can only afford to work part-time serving drinks. When I brought up rings, he also suggested that we buy our own. As men’s rings are way less expensive than ladies’ rings, I again feel like I am getting the shaft. I’m even considering getting a loan to cover the ring and the wedding, just so that we can finally be married.

Whatever it takes and I’m willing to do it—so long as the two of us can finally be married. I still can’t believe that he doesn’t want to be involved in any way with the planning of the wedding—other than telling me it cannot take place during hunting season, as he usually travels for several days at a stretch to Wyoming, Montana, and sometimes even Colorado. As it is, he told me all he wants to do with the planning of the wedding is be given both a time and a place to show up in his tux.

—Impatiently Waiting

 

Hello, Waiting.

I hate to tell you this, but your boyfriend sure sounds awfully selfish. So much so that I can’t help but wonder why you are even contemplating marriage. It’s not like a switch is magically thrown when two people get married and their problems all at once miraculously dissolve. If anything, marriage will only further amplify whatever problems the two of you already have—as you will then be legally bound to each other. More than anything else, it sounds like your boyfriend still has yet to learn to share. And, if he’s not willing to share now, while the two of you are only dating, in what way do you think a mere marriage certificate is going to change anything? Beyond his selfishness, are you really sure you want to marry someone who sounds so adamant about not having children? As selfish as your boyfriend sounds, do not expect him to change once the two of you finally marry. If children is what you want, you might be better served looking elsewhere.

 


 

Feel free to contact Anonymous Zaius and ask him dating/relationship questions at AnonymousZaius@gmail.com.

For the record, Anonymous Zaius (AKA Jason Famous) is not, nor has he ever been, a licensed counselor or psychologist. What advice he has to give was acquired the old-fashioned way, through the dual schools of both hard knocks and his own personal dating experience. It thus goes without saying the above dating advice is to be used for purposes of entertainment only.

 

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January 31, 2018

 

Red Utah Mountains

 

A.Z.,

I hardly even know where to begin. My girlfriend and I have been dating for nearly nine long years. She keeps hinting around about us maybe getting married, but I still find myself having second thoughts. It goes without saying that I love her. It’s just that I’m not sure whether or not I still want to marry her. She’s sort of the bread-winner, and besides, she’s gained quite a bit of weight. Granted, I’ve gained some weight myself. But so too have all the rest of my buddies. And it’s not like getting married isn’t going to cost us anything.

More than anything, I’m just sick and tired of being undecided all the time. I’d even think about maybe hopping on Craigslist and finding someone to cheat with. I know I’d probably enjoy it for sure, but I’d be doing it more to give my current girlfriend a good reason to dump me. But I’m real self-conscious about some of the weight I’ve gained, and the last thing I want to do is wind up getting some kind of disease. I’d definitely for sure use a condom, but still, you never know. And besides, how many of these girls people wind up contacting on Craigslist turn out to be prostitutes? The last thing in the world I’d want to do is wind up getting arrested, with my picture showing up on the front page of the local newspaper. Granted, at least my girlfriend would finally find out about me—but so too would all my friends and my coworkers. I suppose I could try and find a girlfriend in some out of the way town where nobody knows me, but that just seems like too much work—to say nothing of a whole hell of a lot of gas money. But still, I suppose it’s better that than being arrested and having my face show up in the newspaper.

So, what do you say? Should we get married, or should we break up? Like I said, I’m sick and tired of being undecided.

P.S. Thanks for giving guys like us somebody to bounce our ideas off. The only person I can talk to about real psychological stuff like this is my girlfriend—and there’s no way in hell I’d be able to confide in her about this.

—Perpetually Undecided

 

Hi, Undecided.

So let me get this straight. You’re not sure that you want to get married because your potential wife has gained a little weight—which you, yourself, can also admit to? And what in the world does her being the breadwinner have to do with anything? That you’re even taking the time to ask me this question makes it plainly evident that you most certainly SHOULD NOT get married to your girlfriend . . . only not because she’s not particularly right for you, but because you are not right for her.

I honestly don’t know if I’ve ever heard of anything more self-centered or inconsiderate in my life. You give countless reasons for not wanting to cheat on her: that you’re self-conscious about the weight you’ve gained, that you’re worried about transacting a venereal disease, that you might wind up getting arrested, etc. Well, what about the most important reason of all: That it’s simply NOT RIGHT to sleep around on your significant other? I appreciate the kind words in your postscript, I truly do, but take a quick second to review your words for me. Like you, yourself, freely admit: “The only person [you] can talk to about real psychological stuff like this is [your] girlfriend. . . . ” And this is the way you see fit to repay her, after nearly nine long years of being able to both trust and confide in her—by seriously considering cheating on her?

In the end, the advice I have for you is both clear-cut and amazingly simple: If you don’t want to be with your girlfriend anymore, then tell her. I wouldn’t be surprised in the least if she turns out to be even more relieved than you are.

 


 

Feel free to contact Anonymous Zaius and ask him dating questions at AnonymousZaius@gmail.com.

For the record, Anonymous Zaius (AKA Jason Famous) is not, nor has he ever been, a licensed counselor or psychologist. What advice he has to give was acquired the old-fashioned way, through the dual schools of both hard knocks and his own personal dating experience. It thus goes without saying the above dating advice is to be used for purposes of entertainment only.

 

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