Tag Archives: sexual disinterest

September 29, 2018

 

Autumn Trees

 

A.Z.,

My husband’s name is Harry. We have been married for over twenty years. Harry is now in his middle forties, and he also has significant issues with ED. I am also in my middle forties. Although Harry is often reluctant to be “intimate” (probably because of his ED, which I do believe he is secretly ashamed of), I almost certainly still have needs (which I take care of the old fashioned way, by using a vibrator). That we only have relations a handful of times a year I can honestly live with, as Harry is an otherwise exemplary husband. Whenever I bring up our lack of sex, Harry almost always grumbles about how his sex drive just isn’t what it used to be. At the exact same time, however, I know that Harry pleasures himself fairly frequently—and that he uses his hidden stash of pornography whenever he does so. Granted, I also am apt to on occasion pleasure myself—but never have I ever required any “outside assistance,” like pornography or the Internet.

So I guess all that, in a nutshell, brings me straight to the heart of my question: Why, if Harry is apparently able to “get it up” several times a week to pleasure himself to pornography, can he not “get it up” to just as frequently pleasure me? Nice as my vibrator is, I miss my husband.

—Tired of Going It Solo

 

Hi, Solo.

Believe it or not, but the answer to your question is more than just a tad bit complicated. If, in fact, your husband is suffering from ED—and, as you say, he is “secretly ashamed” of it—then it probably isn’t all that surprising that he more often than not resorts to pornography. Men are very visual creatures, and pornography may be one of the few ways in which your husband can guarantee himself the expected results. The pressure of performing adequately for you when you are intimate may also be taking a psychological toll. Needless to say, if Harry is worried he won’t be able to maintain his erection while being intimate with you, then it is almost a certainty that he won’t be able to. That being said, perhaps the reason masturbating to pornography works so well for him is because he is able to do so without the added pressure to pleasure you. I am also assuming that Harry has discussed all this with a qualified medical professional. If not, then please urge Harry to right away do so. Not only will this help to rule out that there is not a more serious underlying cause of his ED (like prostate cancer), but Harry might well be given a means to regain his previous stamina and/or libido.

By the way, not to unnecessarily nitpick, but you using a vibrator to pleasure yourself is the very definition of “outside assistance.” Like the Good Book says, “Judge not, lest you, yourself, be judged.”

 


 

Feel free to contact Anonymous Zaius and ask him dating/relationship questions at AnonymousZaius@gmail.com.

For the record, Anonymous Zaius (AKA Jason Famous) is not, nor has he ever been, a licensed counselor or psychologist. What advice he has to give was acquired the old-fashioned way, through the dual schools of both hard knocks and his own personal dating experience. It thus goes without saying the above dating advice is to be used for purposes of entertainment only.

 

Back to Top

February 23, 2018

 

Mountain Creek

 

A.Z.,

Maybe it’s just because we keep on getting older, but my relationship with my wife seems to be currently in the doldrums. We still love each other, but there just seems to be no spark. We get up every morning at the same time, eat our own separate breakfasts, quick kiss, and then head off to work. We then come home from our jobs, eat dinner, and then sit in front of the television, where we either zone out or browse our smartphones until it’s finally time for bed. Maybe once or twice a month we actually have sex. The sex is always missionary, and it is almost always over within a quick couple of minutes. We are both in our mid-forties now and we have no kids. Had I known this was what we were in for, I might have reconsidered having children. As it is, I find myself bored a good part of the time. About the only things that give me real joy anymore are alcohol and the occasional pornography. Don’t get me wrong. I totally love my wife. I just don’t know that having sex once or twice a month is quite enough for me.

In sum, is all of this normal, or is there perhaps something wrong with us?

—Bored Husband

 

Hello, Bored.

If I were the author of one of those other famous advice columns out there, I would probably suggest that you discuss all this with your doctor—after which you can count on your doctor checking your testosterone levels and then screening you for depression. So good thing that I am NOT one of those other mainstream advice columnists. What you are describing is, unfortunately, par for the course in our current day and despicable age. Instead of turning on the pointless television or browsing the Internet on your phones, sit down and actually talk to each other. Discuss your wife’s day with her, and then tell her all about your own day. If that goes nowhere, take your wife’s hands in your own, look her in the eyes, and then ask her to share with you all her innermost dreams. That you are currently bored out of your mind is in no way abnormal, nor should it be in any way surprising. There is so much more to our world than our jobs, and our phones, and our godforsaken high-definition television sets. I honestly do not believe that human beings evolved from once being apes to waste our lives away being slaves to our own technology. Instead of making love to some miserable simulacra of a beautiful woman on your TV or computer screen, try making love—and real, passionate love—to your true-to-life wife. Pour all your alcohol down the drain and remember what it is like to live, and to truly live—free of all limiting poisons and free of all psychological doubts. Take a long walk outside and breathe deeply in, surrounded by the smells and the sounds of vast nature.

No matter what anyone else might ever tell you—be that your doctor, your well-meaning friends, or even some pointless, online advice columnist—it is never too late to regain the good things we have all so foolishly lost. In truth, the only thing stopping you is in fact you.

 


 

Feel free to contact Anonymous Zaius and ask him dating/relationship questions at AnonymousZaius@gmail.com.

For the record, Anonymous Zaius (AKA Jason Famous) is not, nor has he ever been, a licensed counselor or psychologist. What advice he has to give was acquired the old-fashioned way, through the dual schools of both hard knocks and his own personal dating experience. It thus goes without saying the above dating advice is to be used for purposes of entertainment only.

 

Back to Top

October 11, 2017

 

Mist Tree

 

A.Z.,

Although it seems just about everyone who elicits advice from you is male, as a woman, I couldn’t help but at the very least inquire as to your opinion. I have been married to “Ted” for the past three years. At first, everything was wonderful. Over time, however, things have gradually seemed to go irretrievably south. Ted almost never seems to instigate sex, for instance—when before, after we first got married, he couldn’t seem to ever get enough of me. Whenever I bring it up, he right away gets mad and shoots me straight down. On occasion, I have even found my husband “pleasuring himself” in the shower. So I guess that’s what brings me straight to my question: Why does my husband no longer seem to be sexually interested in me? Worse still, do you maybe think he is having an affair?

—Concerned Wife

 

Hi, Concerned.

In all honesty, there could be a hundred million reasons for your husband’s recent disinterest. He may have some kind of hormonal deficiency, or he may indeed be sleeping around on the side. He may very well be a closet homosexual. More likely than all that, your husband might simply be bored with your sex life and/or just tired. Has he been spending longer hours at work and/or complained about the stress of his job? Are you and your husband under financial pressures? If you happen to have kids, could the stress and/or inconvenience of having those kids perhaps be having an effect on your sex life? Your husband might just be one of those men who prefers to “pleasure himself,” rather than go to all the work of actually having sex with you. Truth be told, the only way you will ever be able to know for sure is by confronting your husband and having a good old heart-to-heart. The key to an adequate sex life, just as it’s the key to a successful marriage, more of than not comes down to plain common-sense communication.

 

Hello, Mr. Zaius.

Like a few of my friends who clued me in to your website, I can’t help but wonder how some kind of arrogant buffoon like you thinks he has the right to tell the rest of “common folks” how to properly conduct ourselves. I don’t go storming into your home, do I, berating you with my opinions? In truth, you should just keep your arrogant head out of our business and leave us alone. Some kind of good, God-fearing Christian that you are. You probably didn’t even vote for our president!

—On the Warpath in Ohio

 

Hello in turn, Mr. Warpath.

In no way, shape, or form did I ever mean to show you any disrespect or inadvertently offend you. All I am trying to do with this website is give advice to whatever good folks out there might be interested in possibly benefiting from it. If you find yourself bothered or threatened by what I write on this website, I invite you not to any longer visit it. By no means am I thrusting my views or opinions on you, nor am I in any way forcing myself into your household. That you voluntarily decide to look at my website is entirely on you, good Sir, and it in no way reflects poorly upon me. In regards to whether I am a good Christian or voted for Donald Trump, that is honestly none of your business. With respect, those two designations (my religious and political affiliations) in no way have anything to do with what I am hoping to accomplish with this website: that being to entertain people (and yes, perhaps even to help them).

 


 

Feel free to contact Anonymous Zaius and ask him dating/relationship questions at AnonymousZaius@gmail.com.

For the record, Anonymous Zaius (AKA Jason Famous) is not, nor has he ever been, a licensed counselor or psychologist. What advice he has to give was acquired the old-fashioned way, through the dual schools of both hard knocks and his own personal dating experience. It thus goes without saying the above dating advice is to be used for purposes of entertainment only.

 

Back to Top