Tag Archives: importance of communication

November 3, 2018

 

Iceland Falls

 

A.Z.,

Is it normal to doubt that I am the father of my two little children? Both my three-year-old daughters are very lovely and sweet, but neither one of them look anything like me. To further fuel my suspicions, I was pretty sure I was sterile up until my girlfriend one day informed me she was pregnant—as I can’t tell you how many different girls I did back in the day without using a condom, and not a single one of them ever got pregnant. Yet still my girlfriend got pregnant literally within days of her going off the pill, and then she winds up with freaking twins? It wouldn’t surprise me in the least if she was two-timing me with several different guys all at the same time—all in order to make sure she finally got pregnant. Because wouldn’t that help to explain how she wound up giving birth to twins (which there are zero trace of on either her side of the family or mine). Either way, I keep telling her I want a paternity test and then my girlfriend gets really mad at me, like I’m trying to insult her or something. I just want to know for sure whether or not they are my daughters, so that I don’t have to keep waking up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat from the worst goddamn nightmares I’ve ever had in my life before. More than anything, I don’t want to waste the best years of my life loving (and paying for) two little girls who aren’t really mine. Is this normal for a first-time father, or is there something seriously wrong with me?

—Deeply in Doubt

 

Hi there, Deeply in Doubt.

From what I understand, it is not completely abnormal to doubt whether or not you are the father of your girlfriend’s twins. That being said, don’t you think you are going just a little too far with this? It is one thing to sometimes wonder; it is quite another thing to confront your girlfriend with your suspicions and directly ask her for a paternity test. If you really can’t help it, and you know that never knowing for sure is going to take a toll on your relationship with your girlfriend and your two little daughters, then I suggest you purchase one of the at-home paternity tests you can find very easily online. They are relatively cheap, at approximately $100 a pop, and they are also supposed to be incredibly accurate. The best thing of all is that it takes no more than a saliva swab to determine whether or not you are these girls’ legitimate father. In the meantime, try hard to keep your suspicions to yourself. Not only are you more than likely making yourself out to be a total fool, but the last thing most women enjoy being wrongly accused of is being a two-timing slut—especially so when this is more than likely the mother of your two beautiful daughters.

 


 

Feel free to contact Anonymous Zaius and ask him dating/relationship questions at AnonymousZaius@gmail.com.

For the record, Anonymous Zaius (AKA Jason Famous) is not, nor has he ever been, a licensed counselor or psychologist. What advice he has to give was acquired the old-fashioned way, through the dual schools of both hard knocks and his own personal dating experience. It thus goes without saying the above dating advice is to be used for purposes of entertainment only.

 

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May 30, 2018

 

Raging Stream

 

A.Z.,

My boyfriend and I have been dating for nearly ten years. Needless to say, neither one of us are getting any younger. When we first met, we were both still in our early twenties. Now we are swiftly approaching our mid-thirties, and the prospect of marriage has not come up even once. At first, I just thought that Jim, my boyfriend, was waiting for the proper time. Yet here we are, all these many years later, and he still has yet to propose. I have begun to hint around, even suggesting that we go look at rings, but nope, Jim is apparently too dense and thick-headed to get the drift of what I am so obviously trying to imply. My biological clock is also loudly ticking, as I would very much like to have kids before I am forty (and would prefer to be married before finally doing so). What can I do to convince Jim to marry me? It goes without saying that I don’t want to be a pushy girlfriend, but I am honestly at my wits’ end. We live together, split all the expenses equally between us, and even have joint credit card and bank accounts. So why in the hell can’t we just finally be married?

—Looking for More

 

Hi, Looking for More.

The way I see it, you essentially have two options. Either you can come clean to Jim (and very clearly delineate your feelings), or you can leave things as they are. In truth, as you both live together and already have joint credit card and banking accounts, the only thing you are lacking in regards to marriage is a mere piece of government-sanctioned paper. You may also want to look into common-law marriage requirements, depending on what U.S. state you happen to be living in.

Needless to say, it sounds like you very much want your boyfriend to marry you. That being the case, I would immediately talk to Jim about it. True, you may perhaps be putting your relationship at risk, but far better that, don’t you think, than to continue to suffer in silence? Like you, yourself said, neither one of you are getting younger. So the sooner you finally talk to Jim, and get some legitimate answers, so very much the better. At least that way you will finally know.

 


 

Feel free to contact Anonymous Zaius and ask him dating/relationship questions at AnonymousZaius@gmail.com.

For the record, Anonymous Zaius (AKA Jason Famous) is not, nor has he ever been, a licensed counselor or psychologist. What advice he has to give was acquired the old-fashioned way, through the dual schools of both hard knocks and his own personal dating experience. It thus goes without saying the above dating advice is to be used for purposes of entertainment only.

 

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April 21, 2018

 

Green Sunset

 

A.Z.,

Compared to other people’s relationship issues, this may well be nothing. Still, I would be lying if I said it didn’t bother me. From the beginning of my relationship with my girlfriend Mindy, she has continually questioned my faithfulness. Every time I stop at a store after work or go out with my buddies, I have to keep Mindy apprised of my whereabouts. Several times now she has even “spontaneously” shown up at the places I told her I was, as if to check up on me.

Needless to say, I would never in a million years ever think to cheat on her, as I am in fact completely in love with her. The only downside to continuing to date her is of course her constant paranoia. Worse still, I recently learned that Mindy had her sister, who is a state social worker, look into my past history when we first started dating. In a way, I feel like this was a complete betrayal of trust on Mindy’s part—and this, at the very beginning of our rapidly burgeoning relationship. If only I would have known then how little she apparently trusts me, who knows if we would even still be together?

—So Tired of Her Constant Paranoia

 

Hi, So Tired.

From what I can tell, it sounds like your relationship is perfectly adequate otherwise. You are completely in love with her, and I’m assuming she is also very much in love you. (Perhaps too much in love, as she also appears to have the need to perpetually control you.) That being said, having one’s integrity being questioned certainly can’t be any fun. What I would suggest is that you sit her down and talk to her, telling Mindy how much her paranoia bothers you, and, just like you said, that you would never in a million years ever think to cheat on her. If that is not enough for her, you may well have to look into relationship counseling (which I honestly hate to suggest, seeing as how the two of you are only just DATING), as there may be some underlying medical condition causing her to be paranoid.

In regards to having Mindy’s sister look into your background before dating you, what else can we all possibly expect? Things have very much changed for all of us with the omnipresent Internet, and we have far more information at our fingertips than is now probably good for us. For your own mental wellbeing, I would forget about the fact her sister researched you, and instead focus on the here and now. As digitized as our society has now become, it is my prediction researching one’s potential romantic partner online will soon be nothing less than an assumed, automatic process.

 


 

Feel free to contact Anonymous Zaius and ask him dating/relationship questions at AnonymousZaius@gmail.com.

For the record, Anonymous Zaius (AKA Jason Famous) is not, nor has he ever been, a licensed counselor or psychologist. What advice he has to give was acquired the old-fashioned way, through the dual schools of both hard knocks and his own personal dating experience. It thus goes without saying the above dating advice is to be used for purposes of entertainment only.

 

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March 10, 2018

 

Mirror Lake Mts

 

A.Z.,

Any advice for a guy getting his wife to take part in a threesome (me with her and another girl, thank you, not her and me with another guy)? I don’t want to cheat, per se, I just think adding another woman to our lovemaking might make it a little more kinky. I know for a fact my wife “experimented” with her fair share of girls back in college, so how come she apparently has no interest in inviting one of her hot, good-looking friends to come join us? I don’t even need to have sex with her friend, although that sure as hell would be a whole lot of fun. I am simply interested in expanding our sexual horizons as a married couple—for the good of our marriage, if anything, as I have in fact found myself growing rather bored.

—Interested in Just a Little More Fun

 

Hello, Interested.

No offense, but I do believe this subject should be debated purely between you and your wife. Either your wife is interested in “expanding your sexual horizons,” or she isn’t. If she is, then lucky you. If she isn’t, I really wouldn’t push it. I also wouldn’t bring up what might or might not have happened between your wife and other women back in college. Everyone goes through phases. If that happens to be an aspect of her life that your wife would rather not revisit, then there you have it. The last thing she needs is for her husband and loyal life partner to bring something up from her past like that—which she more than likely shared with you in good faith—and then use it to try and manipulate her into doing something she obviously isn’t comfortably with.

 


 

Feel free to contact Anonymous Zaius and ask him dating/relationship questions at AnonymousZaius@gmail.com.

For the record, Anonymous Zaius (AKA Jason Famous) is not, nor has he ever been, a licensed counselor or psychologist. What advice he has to give was acquired the old-fashioned way, through the dual schools of both hard knocks and his own personal dating experience. It thus goes without saying the above dating advice is to be used for purposes of entertainment only.

 

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February 23, 2018

 

Mountain Creek

 

A.Z.,

Maybe it’s just because we keep on getting older, but my relationship with my wife seems to be currently in the doldrums. We still love each other, but there just seems to be no spark. We get up every morning at the same time, eat our own separate breakfasts, quick kiss, and then head off to work. We then come home from our jobs, eat dinner, and then sit in front of the television, where we either zone out or browse our smartphones until it’s finally time for bed. Maybe once or twice a month we actually have sex. The sex is always missionary, and it is almost always over within a quick couple of minutes. We are both in our mid-forties now and we have no kids. Had I known this was what we were in for, I might have reconsidered having children. As it is, I find myself bored a good part of the time. About the only things that give me real joy anymore are alcohol and the occasional pornography. Don’t get me wrong. I totally love my wife. I just don’t know that having sex once or twice a month is quite enough for me.

In sum, is all of this normal, or is there perhaps something wrong with us?

—Bored Husband

 

Hello, Bored.

If I were the author of one of those other famous advice columns out there, I would probably suggest that you discuss all this with your doctor—after which you can count on your doctor checking your testosterone levels and then screening you for depression. So good thing that I am NOT one of those other mainstream advice columnists. What you are describing is, unfortunately, par for the course in our current day and despicable age. Instead of turning on the pointless television or browsing the Internet on your phones, sit down and actually talk to each other. Discuss your wife’s day with her, and then tell her all about your own day. If that goes nowhere, take your wife’s hands in your own, look her in the eyes, and then ask her to share with you all her innermost dreams. That you are currently bored out of your mind is in no way abnormal, nor should it be in any way surprising. There is so much more to our world than our jobs, and our phones, and our godforsaken high-definition television sets. I honestly do not believe that human beings evolved from once being apes to waste our lives away being slaves to our own technology. Instead of making love to some miserable simulacra of a beautiful woman on your TV or computer screen, try making love—and real, passionate love—to your true-to-life wife. Pour all your alcohol down the drain and remember what it is like to live, and to truly live—free of all limiting poisons and free of all psychological doubts. Take a long walk outside and breathe deeply in, surrounded by the smells and the sounds of vast nature.

No matter what anyone else might ever tell you—be that your doctor, your well-meaning friends, or even some pointless, online advice columnist—it is never too late to regain the good things we have all so foolishly lost. In truth, the only thing stopping you is in fact you.

 


 

Feel free to contact Anonymous Zaius and ask him dating/relationship questions at AnonymousZaius@gmail.com.

For the record, Anonymous Zaius (AKA Jason Famous) is not, nor has he ever been, a licensed counselor or psychologist. What advice he has to give was acquired the old-fashioned way, through the dual schools of both hard knocks and his own personal dating experience. It thus goes without saying the above dating advice is to be used for purposes of entertainment only.

 

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October 11, 2017

 

Mist Tree

 

A.Z.,

Although it seems just about everyone who elicits advice from you is male, as a woman, I couldn’t help but at the very least inquire as to your opinion. I have been married to “Ted” for the past three years. At first, everything was wonderful. Over time, however, things have gradually seemed to go irretrievably south. Ted almost never seems to instigate sex, for instance—when before, after we first got married, he couldn’t seem to ever get enough of me. Whenever I bring it up, he right away gets mad and shoots me straight down. On occasion, I have even found my husband “pleasuring himself” in the shower. So I guess that’s what brings me straight to my question: Why does my husband no longer seem to be sexually interested in me? Worse still, do you maybe think he is having an affair?

—Concerned Wife

 

Hi, Concerned.

In all honesty, there could be a hundred million reasons for your husband’s recent disinterest. He may have some kind of hormonal deficiency, or he may indeed be sleeping around on the side. He may very well be a closet homosexual. More likely than all that, your husband might simply be bored with your sex life and/or just tired. Has he been spending longer hours at work and/or complained about the stress of his job? Are you and your husband under financial pressures? If you happen to have kids, could the stress and/or inconvenience of having those kids perhaps be having an effect on your sex life? Your husband might just be one of those men who prefers to “pleasure himself,” rather than go to all the work of actually having sex with you. Truth be told, the only way you will ever be able to know for sure is by confronting your husband and having a good old heart-to-heart. The key to an adequate sex life, just as it’s the key to a successful marriage, more of than not comes down to plain common-sense communication.

 

Hello, Mr. Zaius.

Like a few of my friends who clued me in to your website, I can’t help but wonder how some kind of arrogant buffoon like you thinks he has the right to tell the rest of “common folks” how to properly conduct ourselves. I don’t go storming into your home, do I, berating you with my opinions? In truth, you should just keep your arrogant head out of our business and leave us alone. Some kind of good, God-fearing Christian that you are. You probably didn’t even vote for our president!

—On the Warpath in Ohio

 

Hello in turn, Mr. Warpath.

In no way, shape, or form did I ever mean to show you any disrespect or inadvertently offend you. All I am trying to do with this website is give advice to whatever good folks out there might be interested in possibly benefiting from it. If you find yourself bothered or threatened by what I write on this website, I invite you not to any longer visit it. By no means am I thrusting my views or opinions on you, nor am I in any way forcing myself into your household. That you voluntarily decide to look at my website is entirely on you, good Sir, and it in no way reflects poorly upon me. In regards to whether I am a good Christian or voted for Donald Trump, that is honestly none of your business. With respect, those two designations (my religious and political affiliations) in no way have anything to do with what I am hoping to accomplish with this website: that being to entertain people (and yes, perhaps even to help them).

 


 

Feel free to contact Anonymous Zaius and ask him dating/relationship questions at AnonymousZaius@gmail.com.

For the record, Anonymous Zaius (AKA Jason Famous) is not, nor has he ever been, a licensed counselor or psychologist. What advice he has to give was acquired the old-fashioned way, through the dual schools of both hard knocks and his own personal dating experience. It thus goes without saying the above dating advice is to be used for purposes of entertainment only.

 

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