Kind of an odd question, but so it goes. I recently met a woman named Kim. She was beautiful, well-educated, and had one hell of a very hot body. I asked her out, and we wound up going out on several dates. In every way, she seemed to be completely ideal. The only thing we did not have in common was politics. Then, completely out of the blue, without any warning whatsoever, Kim informed me that she no longer wanted to continue to date. I tried at the very least to talk her into going out with me just one more time, if anything just to definitively say farewell—but nope, she just totally refused. In the aftermath, I found myself completely devastated. So much so that I had to take a couple days off work to gather my thoughts and try to get wind of myself.
So here’s where my question comes in. Is it strange that I needed to take several days off work to try and make some kind of sense of Kim so heartlessly dumping me? As a number of my female coworkers informed me, Kim and I had never even been officially “dating,” as we had only gone out on three trial “dates” and had never even come to share a single kiss. My female coworkers’ behavior seems to imply that I am creepy and/or very clingy as a result of my response to Kim and I going our two separate ways. Any thoughts, or am I in fact as creepy as my female coworkers apparently seem to think I am? Please help, as this is the fifth or sixth woman in a row that I’ve apparently “scared off” by being too clingy.
—Hurt, Lonely, and Confused
Hi, Hurt, Lonely, and Confused.
First of all, I’m sorry to hear how devastating that Kim breaking things off apparently was for you. Although she may not have been all that invested in your relationship, you most certainly were. One of the most crucial elements in the beginning stages of a budding relationship is to accurately gauge how fast or slow to initially take things. In my own experience, you are far better served erring on the side of caution and not moving too fast. Worst-case scenario, the object of your affections will in this way be forced into being the one to question how seriously you are invested in the romantic relationship—in this way placing you in a position of relative power. Far better that, don’t you think, than to be considered both clingy and very creepy?
As to you taking time off from work to work things through after the demise of your relationship, to each their own. What is questionable is that you used a woman breaking things off with you (after only three dates) as a legitimate reason to not come into work. Next time try calling in sick. I predict you will find yourself much better served in the future (both at work and in the pursuit of your next potential romantic relationship) by fostering an air of deep mystery.
Feel free to contact Anonymous Zaius and ask him dating/relationship questions at AnonymousZaius@gmail.com.
For the record, Anonymous Zaius (AKA Jason Famous) is not, nor has he ever been, a licensed counselor or psychologist. What advice he has to give was acquired the old-fashioned way, through the dual schools of both hard knocks and his own personal dating experience. It thus goes without saying the above dating advice is to be used for purposes of entertainment only.
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