Tag Archives: Finding “The One”

September 9, 2018


Sunset Tree



I recently started dating a girl named Susan. She is as close to perfect as a human woman could ever possibly be. More than that, we seem to be compatible in every conceivable way. Ideal as she may be, Susan and I have only very recently come to a place of what appears to be irreconcilable conflict. I actually met Susan through my twin brother, Jimmy, who just so happens to be dating Susan’s twin sister, Caroline. Jimmy and Caroline had both been dating for something like four or five weeks, when Susan and I just so happened to meet each other and very quickly hit it right off. At first we started dating merely as just a lark . . . because how funny would that not suddenly appear to everyone, seeing two identical sets of twins simultaneously dating each other? Before we knew it, however, both Susan and I had fallen very deeply in love—to the total consternation of my twin brother Jimmy. In no uncertain terms, Jimmy has informed me that he finds it in no way funny that both Susan and I are dating at the same time as Jimmy and Caroline are. Jimmy has, in fact, very recently given me nothing less than an ultimatum: that I now must choose between continuing to date Susan and staying friends with my brother.

Needless to say, Jimmy is the closest thing I have ever had to a best friend in the world. At the same time, I would like to see where my relationship with Susan is ultimately going. Although Jimmy seems to feel that Caroline is “the one” for him, and he plans to one day eventually marry her, it is obvious that his relationship with Caroline has been strained for quite some time. That being said, what the hell do I do? Do I dump Susan, who I love with all my heart, just to make my twin brother happy, or do I wait Jimmy and Caroline out, praying and hoping for my girlfriend’s sister to finally dump him?

—Between a Rock and a Hard Place


Hi, Hard Place.

I have to say, what a convoluted scenario you have presently found yourself embroiled within. I understand your need to preserve your relationship with your twin brother at all costs, but, in all honesty, a good, caring brother should have never put you in such a difficult place to begin with. As your twin brother’s relationship with your girlfriend’s twin sister (have I finally got that right?) already shows obvious signs of strain, the last thing you should now have to do is jeopardize the relationship you have been fortunate enough to foster with Susan. Difficult as true love can sometimes be to come by in this strange, mysterious, and oftentimes very unfair world of ours, take full and total advantage of it while you still can. You never know, Susan may well be the true one for you. And no one, no matter how powerful or close he or she may be to you, has the right to try and squash that. If it ultimately comes to cost you your relationship with your twin brother, then so very well be it. True friends (not to mention true family) should be present to support and empower you, not dash your most heartfelt dreams to dust.



Feel free to contact Anonymous Zaius and ask him dating/relationship questions at AnonymousZaius@gmail.com.

For the record, Anonymous Zaius (AKA Jason Famous) is not, nor has he ever been, a licensed counselor or psychologist. What advice he has to give was acquired the old-fashioned way, through the dual schools of both hard knocks and his own personal dating experience. It thus goes without saying the above dating advice is to be used for purposes of entertainment only.


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