March 10, 2018

 

Mirror Lake Mts

 

A.Z.,

Any advice for a guy getting his wife to take part in a threesome (me with her and another girl, thank you, not her and me with another guy)? I don’t want to cheat, per se, I just think adding another woman to our lovemaking might make it a little more kinky. I know for a fact my wife “experimented” with her fair share of girls back in college, so how come she apparently has no interest in inviting one of her hot, good-looking friends to come join us? I don’t even need to have sex with her friend, although that sure as hell would be a whole lot of fun. I am simply interested in expanding our sexual horizons as a married couple—for the good of our marriage, if anything, as I have in fact found myself growing rather bored.

—Interested in Just a Little More Fun

 

Hello, Interested.

No offense, but I do believe this subject should be debated purely between you and your wife. Either your wife is interested in “expanding your sexual horizons,” or she isn’t. If she is, then lucky you. If she isn’t, I really wouldn’t push it. I also wouldn’t bring up what might or might not have happened between your wife and other women back in college. Everyone goes through phases. If that happens to be an aspect of her life that your wife would rather not revisit, then there you have it. The last thing she needs is for her husband and loyal life partner to bring something up from her past like that—which she more than likely shared with you in good faith—and then use it to try and manipulate her into doing something she obviously isn’t comfortably with.

 


 

Feel free to contact Anonymous Zaius and ask him dating/relationship questions at AnonymousZaius@gmail.com.

For the record, Anonymous Zaius (AKA Jason Famous) is not, nor has he ever been, a licensed counselor or psychologist. What advice he has to give was acquired the old-fashioned way, through the dual schools of both hard knocks and his own personal dating experience. It thus goes without saying the above dating advice is to be used for purposes of entertainment only.

 

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February 23, 2018

 

Mountain Creek

 

A.Z.,

Maybe it’s just because we keep on getting older, but my relationship with my wife seems to be currently in the doldrums. We still love each other, but there just seems to be no spark. We get up every morning at the same time, eat our own separate breakfasts, quick kiss, and then head off to work. We then come home from our jobs, eat dinner, and then sit in front of the television, where we either zone out or browse our smartphones until it’s finally time for bed. Maybe once or twice a month we actually have sex. The sex is always missionary, and it is almost always over within a quick couple of minutes. We are both in our mid-forties now and we have no kids. Had I known this was what we were in for, I might have reconsidered having children. As it is, I find myself bored a good part of the time. About the only things that give me real joy anymore are alcohol and the occasional pornography. Don’t get me wrong. I totally love my wife. I just don’t know that having sex once or twice a month is quite enough for me.

In sum, is all of this normal, or is there perhaps something wrong with us?

—Bored Husband

 

Hello, Bored.

If I were the author of one of those other famous advice columns out there, I would probably suggest that you discuss all this with your doctor—after which you can count on your doctor checking your testosterone levels and then screening you for depression. So good thing that I am NOT one of those other mainstream advice columnists. What you are describing is, unfortunately, par for the course in our current day and despicable age. Instead of turning on the pointless television or browsing the Internet on your phones, sit down and actually talk to each other. Discuss your wife’s day with her, and then tell her all about your own day. If that goes nowhere, take your wife’s hands in your own, look her in the eyes, and then ask her to share with you all her innermost dreams. That you are currently bored out of your mind is in no way abnormal, nor should it be in any way surprising. There is so much more to our world than our jobs, and our phones, and our godforsaken high-definition television sets. I honestly do not believe that human beings evolved from once being apes to waste our lives away being slaves to our own technology. Instead of making love to some miserable simulacra of a beautiful woman on your TV or computer screen, try making love—and real, passionate love—to your true-to-life wife. Pour all your alcohol down the drain and remember what it is like to live, and to truly live—free of all limiting poisons and free of all psychological doubts. Take a long walk outside and breathe deeply in, surrounded by the smells and the sounds of vast nature.

No matter what anyone else might ever tell you—be that your doctor, your well-meaning friends, or even some pointless, online advice columnist—it is never too late to regain the good things we have all so foolishly lost. In truth, the only thing stopping you is in fact you.

 


 

Feel free to contact Anonymous Zaius and ask him dating/relationship questions at AnonymousZaius@gmail.com.

For the record, Anonymous Zaius (AKA Jason Famous) is not, nor has he ever been, a licensed counselor or psychologist. What advice he has to give was acquired the old-fashioned way, through the dual schools of both hard knocks and his own personal dating experience. It thus goes without saying the above dating advice is to be used for purposes of entertainment only.

 

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February 9, 2018

 

Thailand Waterfall

 

A.Z.,

To put it bluntly, should I marry my long-time boyfriend or not? We have been dating for close to six years. At first, after maybe a year of dating, we talked all the time about one day getting married. Now, however, he never even brings it up. When I do broach the topic of us getting married, he right away gets a disgusted look on his face. He then immediately changes the subject. I also know for a fact that he does not want children, while I, on the other hand, very much do. It is now getting to the point where all my female friends are getting married and already having children. I am fit and attractive and always watch what I eat. So it’s not like my husband doesn’t find me attractive—especially since we have sex almost all the time. The last time I brought the idea of marriage up, he sighed and then reluctantly agreed—so long as I do all the wedding planning and pay for every cent of it. Needless to say, I can hardly afford this—as he works full-time at a high-paying investment firm, and I am still going to school for counseling and can only afford to work part-time serving drinks. When I brought up rings, he also suggested that we buy our own. As men’s rings are way less expensive than ladies’ rings, I again feel like I am getting the shaft. I’m even considering getting a loan to cover the ring and the wedding, just so that we can finally be married.

Whatever it takes and I’m willing to do it—so long as the two of us can finally be married. I still can’t believe that he doesn’t want to be involved in any way with the planning of the wedding—other than telling me it cannot take place during hunting season, as he usually travels for several days at a stretch to Wyoming, Montana, and sometimes even Colorado. As it is, he told me all he wants to do with the planning of the wedding is be given both a time and a place to show up in his tux.

—Impatiently Waiting

 

Hello, Waiting.

I hate to tell you this, but your boyfriend sure sounds awfully selfish. So much so that I can’t help but wonder why you are even contemplating marriage. It’s not like a switch is magically thrown when two people get married and their problems all at once miraculously dissolve. If anything, marriage will only further amplify whatever problems the two of you already have—as you will then be legally bound to each other. More than anything else, it sounds like your boyfriend still has yet to learn to share. And, if he’s not willing to share now, while the two of you are only dating, in what way do you think a mere marriage certificate is going to change anything? Beyond his selfishness, are you really sure you want to marry someone who sounds so adamant about not having children? As selfish as your boyfriend sounds, do not expect him to change once the two of you finally marry. If children is what you want, you might be better served looking elsewhere.

 


 

Feel free to contact Anonymous Zaius and ask him dating/relationship questions at AnonymousZaius@gmail.com.

For the record, Anonymous Zaius (AKA Jason Famous) is not, nor has he ever been, a licensed counselor or psychologist. What advice he has to give was acquired the old-fashioned way, through the dual schools of both hard knocks and his own personal dating experience. It thus goes without saying the above dating advice is to be used for purposes of entertainment only.

 

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January 31, 2018

 

Red Utah Mountains

 

A.Z.,

I hardly even know where to begin. My girlfriend and I have been dating for nearly nine long years. She keeps hinting around about us maybe getting married, but I still find myself having second thoughts. It goes without saying that I love her. It’s just that I’m not sure whether or not I still want to marry her. She’s sort of the bread-winner, and besides, she’s gained quite a bit of weight. Granted, I’ve gained some weight myself. But so too have all the rest of my buddies. And it’s not like getting married isn’t going to cost us anything.

More than anything, I’m just sick and tired of being undecided all the time. I’d even think about maybe hopping on Craigslist and finding someone to cheat with. I know I’d probably enjoy it for sure, but I’d be doing it more to give my current girlfriend a good reason to dump me. But I’m real self-conscious about some of the weight I’ve gained, and the last thing I want to do is wind up getting some kind of disease. I’d definitely for sure use a condom, but still, you never know. And besides, how many of these girls people wind up contacting on Craigslist turn out to be prostitutes? The last thing in the world I’d want to do is wind up getting arrested, with my picture showing up on the front page of the local newspaper. Granted, at least my girlfriend would finally find out about me—but so too would all my friends and my coworkers. I suppose I could try and find a girlfriend in some out of the way town where nobody knows me, but that just seems like too much work—to say nothing of a whole hell of a lot of gas money. But still, I suppose it’s better that than being arrested and having my face show up in the newspaper.

So, what do you say? Should we get married, or should we break up? Like I said, I’m sick and tired of being undecided.

P.S. Thanks for giving guys like us somebody to bounce our ideas off. The only person I can talk to about real psychological stuff like this is my girlfriend—and there’s no way in hell I’d be able to confide in her about this.

—Perpetually Undecided

 

Hi, Undecided.

So let me get this straight. You’re not sure that you want to get married because your potential wife has gained a little weight—which you, yourself, can also admit to? And what in the world does her being the breadwinner have to do with anything? That you’re even taking the time to ask me this question makes it plainly evident that you most certainly SHOULD NOT get married to your girlfriend . . . only not because she’s not particularly right for you, but because you are not right for her.

I honestly don’t know if I’ve ever heard of anything more self-centered or inconsiderate in my life. You give countless reasons for not wanting to cheat on her: that you’re self-conscious about the weight you’ve gained, that you’re worried about transacting a venereal disease, that you might wind up getting arrested, etc. Well, what about the most important reason of all: That it’s simply NOT RIGHT to sleep around on your significant other? I appreciate the kind words in your postscript, I truly do, but take a quick second to review your words for me. Like you, yourself, freely admit: “The only person [you] can talk to about real psychological stuff like this is [your] girlfriend. . . . ” And this is the way you see fit to repay her, after nearly nine long years of being able to both trust and confide in her—by seriously considering cheating on her?

In the end, the advice I have for you is both clear-cut and amazingly simple: If you don’t want to be with your girlfriend anymore, then tell her. I wouldn’t be surprised in the least if she turns out to be even more relieved than you are.

 


 

Feel free to contact Anonymous Zaius and ask him dating questions at AnonymousZaius@gmail.com.

For the record, Anonymous Zaius (AKA Jason Famous) is not, nor has he ever been, a licensed counselor or psychologist. What advice he has to give was acquired the old-fashioned way, through the dual schools of both hard knocks and his own personal dating experience. It thus goes without saying the above dating advice is to be used for purposes of entertainment only.

 

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January 19, 2018

 

Keeper Cover (300 dpi)

 

I’m very proud to announce that my first ever published e-book is now finally available for purchase. Entitled How to Get a Girl, Then Convince Her You’re a Keeper, this book promises to entail exactly what the title implies: it being nothing less than a detailed guidebook to how to go about approaching a stunningly beautiful and then getting her to realize what a great guy you are.

Culled from my own personal relationship experience, as well as the romantic advice/experiences of numerous others, How to Get a Girl, Then Convince Her You’re a Keeper is very much devoted to preventing other young men out there from making the same stupid mistakes when it comes to dating that I did. Not only is it my hope that many young men out there may well avoid both heartbreak and very terrible confusion, but so too will many women out there also be able to benefit: as the truly good guys out there, who are probably too afraid to approach beautiful women and attempt to date them (like I once was), are now being given the tools and the confidence by which to at long last finally do so.

As I write within the pages of my inaugural e-book, “If even one young man out there is spared the same kind of endless heartache that I, myself, was once exposed to, then I consider this whole literary adventure in every way worth it.” And I wholeheartedly stand by that. This book is in no way about making money or even turning a profit; it is instead about putting as much positivity out there and helping as many other people as I possibly can.

As always, my friends, thanks so much for loyally reading!

 

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January 3, 2018

 

wave-1641793_1280

 

A.Z.,

Since you seem to know so much about the male viewpoint, I thought perhaps you wouldn’t mind maybe helping me. I have been dating my current boyfriend for close to three years, two years of which time we have been engaged. This is the third marriage for the both of us, and I am a very proud grandma. At first, all was well with “Theodore.” We seemed to have so much in common. We both liked to go out, and we both liked to be the life of the party. Good as things initially were, there have been their fair share of red flags. For one thing, Theodore can’t seem to hold down a job for more than a few weeks or months at a time. While I am quickly approaching retirement, Theodore has almost nothing by way of savings, and he is already five years older than I am. Again and again, he keeps being fired, and every single time, he believes it all to be the fault of his employer. That he likes to drink so much, and is often hungover, I believe to be a big part of the problem. Whenever I bring this up, Theodore right away becomes defensive. He will yell and sometimes even threaten to hit me. Naturally he always apologizes, but that is only after he has sobered up.

Sad as all that is, I can live with it, if only because I love him so. That being said, there is one area that I just can’t seem to find myself willing to reconcile. Family is extremely important to me. There is simply nothing I wouldn’t do to please my kids and my many grandkids. It has recently come to my attention that none of my three adult children seem to in any way approve of my relationship with Theodore. It doesn’t help that Theodore seems to have no desire to socialize with my children and grandchildren, or in any way interact with them. When they do come over to visit, he goes down to the basement to watch football and make himself cocktails. As soon as they leave, he then comes upstairs, either expecting me to fix dinner or to have sex with him. When he is drunk like that, he expects me to do things that in no way sexually appeal to me. More than once, I have found myself giving in, if anything just to avoid what I know will ultimately wind up being a big fight. Again, I can live with all that—if Theodore could just find it in his heart to actually interact with my family. Like I said, we are engaged to be married, and my family will very soon be one and the same as his family. If he could just stop drinking so much and actually seek out a relationship with my kids and my grandkids, our lives would be almost close to perfect.

So all that, in a nutshell, is why I now find myself writing to you. Is there anything I can do to convince Theodore to put the bottle to the side and interact with my family? Needless to say, I am getting up there in years and do not want to be alone. Any advice and/or suggestions would be very much appreciated!

—Getting Antsy

 

Hello, Antsy.

And you are marrying this Theodore fellow why? It sounds to me like he is little more than an abusive and antisocial drunk. That he is unable to hold down a job due to his drinking, has zero by way of retirement savings, and now apparently seems content to drink his remaining days away in no way makes him an appropriate life mate or partner. I also do not think his hesitancy at building a relationship with your family has anything at all to do with his drinking. He is not an asshole because he drinks; he instead drinks because he is in fact an asshole. Do yourself a favor and cut all ties with him. As reluctant as you are to be alone (which in turn makes me question whether you do in fact actually love him), I assure you that it is a far better thing being alone than it is to be in a toxic, borderline abusive relationship. That your own grown children appear to vehemently dislike him pretty much says everything. And who would you rather have a relationship with—with your grown kids and lovely grandchildren, or an unemployable drunk who bullies you into having sex with him?

 


 

Feel free to contact Anonymous Zaius and ask him dating/relationship questions at AnonymousZaius@gmail.com.

For the record, Anonymous Zaius (AKA Jason Famous) is not, nor has he ever been, a licensed counselor or psychologist. What advice he has to give was acquired the old-fashioned way, through the dual schools of both hard knocks and his own personal dating experience. It thus goes without saying the above dating advice is to be used for purposes of entertainment only.

 

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December 20, 2017

 

Misty Mountains

 

 

A.Z.,

I wrote in several months ago using the name “Watcher from Afar.” In case you don’t remember, I was the one who had a real big crush on the married mother of three living across the street. She wound up moving with her family back in September, and I had wondered whether or not I should first confront her with my feelings. You advised me not to go after her, as you didn’t think I should try to be some kind of sick and perverted homewrecker. You also seemed to suggest that I might be stalking the woman of my dreams, and so I did exactly as you advised me to. Not only did I stop watching my neighbor lady from across the street, but I didn’t even try to find out where she and her family were moving to.

Fast forward all these many months later, and I honestly couldn’t be any happier. I am finally dating the woman of my dreams, and my life is now in every way perfect. NO THANKS TO YOU, by the way, as I am actually now dating my former neighbor lady! She went jogging by my house several weeks after moving. I asked her if she wanted some water, and she right away nodded. I then invited her into my air-conditioned house, and we wound up having truly mind-blowing sex not just once, but TWICE! It turns out that she has always had a bit of a crush on me, which is why her husband wanted so badly for them all to move to the other side of town. Although she has not yet come clean to her limp-dick, pathetic little husband, she keeps telling me it is only a matter of time. She is sick and tired of his unfounded, jealous rages, and she thinks I am in way better shape. That I also enjoy going down on her (unlike her faggot husband) probably doesn’t hurt my chances any.

Anyways, I just thought I should let you know how totally wrong you were. Now that she thinks she might be pregnant—and yes, with my child, not her husband’s—it is probably only a matter of time before we finally get married. I’d almost think about inviting you to our wedding . . . if only your advice for us both hadn’t been so dreadfully wrong!

—No Longer Just Watching

 

Hi, No Longer Just Watching.

Thanks so much for the update. Happy as you seem to be, the last thing I’d ever want to do is burst your bubble. As it is, I see too many red flags to count. You’ve barely even started dating this still-married mother of three, and she thinks she might be pregnant with your child? And all because you give her oral, and because she thinks you’re in way better shape than her husband is? I honestly don’t even know where to begin. But I will tell you this much: It all sounds relatively shallow. Despite everything that has since happened, I still stand by my original advice to you. Any time a single guy like yourself finds himself attracted to a married mother of three, he should ALWAYS proceed with both prior forethought and caution. That you didn’t approach her before she moved I still believe to be a positive thing. This way the ball wound up in her court, just as it always should have been. Where it goes from here, now that is entirely up to the two of you (and her husband, once she finally comes to clean to him; and her three little children, who I’m sure will find it all extremely confusing; and then potentially the courts of our fine U.S. justice system, once the married woman you’re dating goes about finally implementing her divorce).

Good luck to you, as I do not think you have any idea how complicated your life is about to get. I’d say that I tried warning you, but apparently you are already well aware of that.

 


 

Feel free to contact Anonymous Zaius and ask him dating/relationship questions at AnonymousZaius@gmail.com.

For the record, Anonymous Zaius (AKA Jason Famous) is not, nor has he ever been, a licensed counselor or psychologist. What advice he has to give was acquired the old-fashioned way, through the dual schools of both hard knocks and his own personal dating experience. It thus goes without saying the above dating advice is to be used for purposes of entertainment only.

 

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