January 31, 2018

 

Red Utah Mountains

 

A.Z.,

I hardly even know where to begin. My girlfriend and I have been dating for nearly nine long years. She keeps hinting around about us maybe getting married, but I still find myself having second thoughts. It goes without saying that I love her. It’s just that I’m not sure whether or not I still want to marry her. She’s sort of the bread-winner, and besides, she’s gained quite a bit of weight. Granted, I’ve gained some weight myself. But so too have all the rest of my buddies. And it’s not like getting married isn’t going to cost us anything.

More than anything, I’m just sick and tired of being undecided all the time. I’d even think about maybe hopping on Craigslist and finding someone to cheat with. I know I’d probably enjoy it for sure, but I’d be doing it more to give my current girlfriend a good reason to dump me. But I’m real self-conscious about some of the weight I’ve gained, and the last thing I want to do is wind up getting some kind of disease. I’d definitely for sure use a condom, but still, you never know. And besides, how many of these girls people wind up contacting on Craigslist turn out to be prostitutes? The last thing in the world I’d want to do is wind up getting arrested, with my picture showing up on the front page of the local newspaper. Granted, at least my girlfriend would finally find out about me—but so too would all my friends and my coworkers. I suppose I could try and find a girlfriend in some out of the way town where nobody knows me, but that just seems like too much work—to say nothing of a whole hell of a lot of gas money. But still, I suppose it’s better that than being arrested and having my face show up in the newspaper.

So, what do you say? Should we get married, or should we break up? Like I said, I’m sick and tired of being undecided.

P.S. Thanks for giving guys like us somebody to bounce our ideas off. The only person I can talk to about real psychological stuff like this is my girlfriend—and there’s no way in hell I’d be able to confide in her about this.

—Perpetually Undecided

 

Hi, Undecided.

So let me get this straight. You’re not sure that you want to get married because your potential wife has gained a little weight—which you, yourself, can also admit to? And what in the world does her being the breadwinner have to do with anything? That you’re even taking the time to ask me this question makes it plainly evident that you most certainly SHOULD NOT get married to your girlfriend . . . only not because she’s not particularly right for you, but because you are not right for her.

I honestly don’t know if I’ve ever heard of anything more self-centered or inconsiderate in my life. You give countless reasons for not wanting to cheat on her: that you’re self-conscious about the weight you’ve gained, that you’re worried about transacting a venereal disease, that you might wind up getting arrested, etc. Well, what about the most important reason of all: That it’s simply NOT RIGHT to sleep around on your significant other? I appreciate the kind words in your postscript, I truly do, but take a quick second to review your words for me. Like you, yourself, freely admit: “The only person [you] can talk to about real psychological stuff like this is [your] girlfriend. . . . ” And this is the way you see fit to repay her, after nearly nine long years of being able to both trust and confide in her—by seriously considering cheating on her?

In the end, the advice I have for you is both clear-cut and amazingly simple: If you don’t want to be with your girlfriend anymore, then tell her. I wouldn’t be surprised in the least if she turns out to be even more relieved than you are.

 


 

Feel free to contact Anonymous Zaius and ask him dating questions at AnonymousZaius@gmail.com.

For the record, Anonymous Zaius (AKA Jason Famous) is not, nor has he ever been, a licensed counselor or psychologist. What advice he has to give was acquired the old-fashioned way, through the dual schools of both hard knocks and his own personal dating experience. It thus goes without saying the above dating advice is to be used for purposes of entertainment only.

 

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January 19, 2018

 

Keeper Cover (300 dpi)

 

I’m very proud to announce that my first ever published e-book is now finally available for purchase. Entitled How to Get a Girl, Then Convince Her You’re a Keeper, this book promises to entail exactly what the title implies: it being nothing less than a detailed guidebook to how to go about approaching a stunningly beautiful and then getting her to realize what a great guy you are.

Culled from my own personal relationship experience, as well as the romantic advice/experiences of numerous others, How to Get a Girl, Then Convince Her You’re a Keeper is very much devoted to preventing other young men out there from making the same stupid mistakes when it comes to dating that I did. Not only is it my hope that many young men out there may well avoid both heartbreak and very terrible confusion, but so too will many women out there also be able to benefit: as the truly good guys out there, who are probably too afraid to approach beautiful women and attempt to date them (like I once was), are now being given the tools and the confidence by which to at long last finally do so.

As I write within the pages of my inaugural e-book, “If even one young man out there is spared the same kind of endless heartache that I, myself, was once exposed to, then I consider this whole literary adventure in every way worth it.” And I wholeheartedly stand by that. This book is in no way about making money or even turning a profit; it is instead about putting as much positivity out there and helping as many other people as I possibly can.

As always, my friends, thanks so much for loyally reading!

 

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January 3, 2018

 

wave-1641793_1280

 

A.Z.,

Since you seem to know so much about the male viewpoint, I thought perhaps you wouldn’t mind maybe helping me. I have been dating my current boyfriend for close to three years, two years of which time we have been engaged. This is the third marriage for the both of us, and I am a very proud grandma. At first, all was well with “Theodore.” We seemed to have so much in common. We both liked to go out, and we both liked to be the life of the party. Good as things initially were, there have been their fair share of red flags. For one thing, Theodore can’t seem to hold down a job for more than a few weeks or months at a time. While I am quickly approaching retirement, Theodore has almost nothing by way of savings, and he is already five years older than I am. Again and again, he keeps being fired, and every single time, he believes it all to be the fault of his employer. That he likes to drink so much, and is often hungover, I believe to be a big part of the problem. Whenever I bring this up, Theodore right away becomes defensive. He will yell and sometimes even threaten to hit me. Naturally he always apologizes, but that is only after he has sobered up.

Sad as all that is, I can live with it, if only because I love him so. That being said, there is one area that I just can’t seem to find myself willing to reconcile. Family is extremely important to me. There is simply nothing I wouldn’t do to please my kids and my many grandkids. It has recently come to my attention that none of my three adult children seem to in any way approve of my relationship with Theodore. It doesn’t help that Theodore seems to have no desire to socialize with my children and grandchildren, or in any way interact with them. When they do come over to visit, he goes down to the basement to watch football and make himself cocktails. As soon as they leave, he then comes upstairs, either expecting me to fix dinner or to have sex with him. When he is drunk like that, he expects me to do things that in no way sexually appeal to me. More than once, I have found myself giving in, if anything just to avoid what I know will ultimately wind up being a big fight. Again, I can live with all that—if Theodore could just find it in his heart to actually interact with my family. Like I said, we are engaged to be married, and my family will very soon be one and the same as his family. If he could just stop drinking so much and actually seek out a relationship with my kids and my grandkids, our lives would be almost close to perfect.

So all that, in a nutshell, is why I now find myself writing to you. Is there anything I can do to convince Theodore to put the bottle to the side and interact with my family? Needless to say, I am getting up there in years and do not want to be alone. Any advice and/or suggestions would be very much appreciated!

—Getting Antsy

 

Hello, Antsy.

And you are marrying this Theodore fellow why? It sounds to me like he is little more than an abusive and antisocial drunk. That he is unable to hold down a job due to his drinking, has zero by way of retirement savings, and now apparently seems content to drink his remaining days away in no way makes him an appropriate life mate or partner. I also do not think his hesitancy at building a relationship with your family has anything at all to do with his drinking. He is not an asshole because he drinks; he instead drinks because he is in fact an asshole. Do yourself a favor and cut all ties with him. As reluctant as you are to be alone (which in turn makes me question whether you do in fact actually love him), I assure you that it is a far better thing being alone than it is to be in a toxic, borderline abusive relationship. That your own grown children appear to vehemently dislike him pretty much says everything. And who would you rather have a relationship with—with your grown kids and lovely grandchildren, or an unemployable drunk who bullies you into having sex with him?

 


 

Feel free to contact Anonymous Zaius and ask him dating/relationship questions at AnonymousZaius@gmail.com.

For the record, Anonymous Zaius (AKA Jason Famous) is not, nor has he ever been, a licensed counselor or psychologist. What advice he has to give was acquired the old-fashioned way, through the dual schools of both hard knocks and his own personal dating experience. It thus goes without saying the above dating advice is to be used for purposes of entertainment only.

 

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December 20, 2017

 

Misty Mountains

 

 

A.Z.,

I wrote in several months ago using the name “Watcher from Afar.” In case you don’t remember, I was the one who had a real big crush on the married mother of three living across the street. She wound up moving with her family back in September, and I had wondered whether or not I should first confront her with my feelings. You advised me not to go after her, as you didn’t think I should try to be some kind of sick and perverted homewrecker. You also seemed to suggest that I might be stalking the woman of my dreams, and so I did exactly as you advised me to. Not only did I stop watching my neighbor lady from across the street, but I didn’t even try to find out where she and her family were moving to.

Fast forward all these many months later, and I honestly couldn’t be any happier. I am finally dating the woman of my dreams, and my life is now in every way perfect. NO THANKS TO YOU, by the way, as I am actually now dating my former neighbor lady! She went jogging by my house several weeks after moving. I asked her if she wanted some water, and she right away nodded. I then invited her into my air-conditioned house, and we wound up having truly mind-blowing sex not just once, but TWICE! It turns out that she has always had a bit of a crush on me, which is why her husband wanted so badly for them all to move to the other side of town. Although she has not yet come clean to her limp-dick, pathetic little husband, she keeps telling me it is only a matter of time. She is sick and tired of his unfounded, jealous rages, and she thinks I am in way better shape. That I also enjoy going down on her (unlike her faggot husband) probably doesn’t hurt my chances any.

Anyways, I just thought I should let you know how totally wrong you were. Now that she thinks she might be pregnant—and yes, with my child, not her husband’s—it is probably only a matter of time before we finally get married. I’d almost think about inviting you to our wedding . . . if only your advice for us both hadn’t been so dreadfully wrong!

—No Longer Just Watching

 

Hi, No Longer Just Watching.

Thanks so much for the update. Happy as you seem to be, the last thing I’d ever want to do is burst your bubble. As it is, I see too many red flags to count. You’ve barely even started dating this still-married mother of three, and she thinks she might be pregnant with your child? And all because you give her oral, and because she thinks you’re in way better shape than her husband is? I honestly don’t even know where to begin. But I will tell you this much: It all sounds relatively shallow. Despite everything that has since happened, I still stand by my original advice to you. Any time a single guy like yourself finds himself attracted to a married mother of three, he should ALWAYS proceed with both prior forethought and caution. That you didn’t approach her before she moved I still believe to be a positive thing. This way the ball wound up in her court, just as it always should have been. Where it goes from here, now that is entirely up to the two of you (and her husband, once she finally comes to clean to him; and her three little children, who I’m sure will find it all extremely confusing; and then potentially the courts of our fine U.S. justice system, once the married woman you’re dating goes about finally implementing her divorce).

Good luck to you, as I do not think you have any idea how complicated your life is about to get. I’d say that I tried warning you, but apparently you are already well aware of that.

 


 

Feel free to contact Anonymous Zaius and ask him dating/relationship questions at AnonymousZaius@gmail.com.

For the record, Anonymous Zaius (AKA Jason Famous) is not, nor has he ever been, a licensed counselor or psychologist. What advice he has to give was acquired the old-fashioned way, through the dual schools of both hard knocks and his own personal dating experience. It thus goes without saying the above dating advice is to be used for purposes of entertainment only.

 

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December 6, 2017

 

Alt Yosemite

 

A.Z.,

My troubles began back in August of this year. I am a software engineer at a well-known, internationally reputable software company. I have a beautiful wife, three kids, and a large dream house that is close to finally being paid off. For all intents and purposes, I appear to have a perfect life. Unfortunately, it all began to veer off the rails for me with the hiring of “Angie,” one of the test engineers who now currently works for me. Not only is Angie very good-looking, but the two of us actually have quite a bit of previous history. She was in fact my one big, unrequited crush from all the way back in high school. That I never dared approach her or talk to her you could probably well understand. I was a bit geeky back in high school, and I was also incredibly awkward when it came approaching the opposite sex. Now, on the other hand, I have no choice but to interact with Angie on an everyday basis. To my great surprise, it actually seems like Angie is into me. At first, it began with mere flirtation. The two of us would talk and joke around with each other. Before long, we both found ourselves working on projects together late into the evening hours. Then, just last week, I confessed to Angie that I had always had a simply massive crush on her. She laughed after I’d finally admitted this, as she too had apparently always harbored similar feelings. We then shared a quick kiss on the lips, which in turn made me immediately backtrack. Not only did I betray my beautiful wife by kissing this Angie woman, but it also seemed like I had betrayed my three little daughters. Am I tempted to run off and make a new life for myself with Angie, who is nothing less than the complete and utter woman of my dreams? Yes, absolutely. At the same time, I have always strived hard to be a good guy, and the last thing I would ever want to do is be disloyal to my family.

So this now is my conundrum: Do I take off with Angie, effectively exiting my dream life and abandoning my family, or do I find a way to justify having Angie be fired? Needless to say, I cannot endure working with a woman who continues to tempt me. Leaving my job is also not a possibility, as I have been working my ass off the last twenty years to begin moving progressively up the corporate ladder. Now that I am finally in a senior position within our company, the last thing I would ever want to do is endanger it.

—Very Conflicted, and Yet Still a Complete Gentleman

 

Hi, Very Conflicted.

I understand where you are coming from. At the same time, I can’t help but make this one simple observation: In no way do you appear to be taking responsibility for your actions. You keep blaming this “Angie woman,” as you refer to her, like she alone is responsible for your current conflict. In fact, you are Angie’s superior at work. As her superior, it goes without saying that the onus of responsibility ultimately falls solely upon your shoulders; and NOT upon hers. That it is difficult for you to work around someone you used to have such strong feelings towards sort of goes without saying. If you truly do love your life, your job, and your family, then the best possible thing you can do is REFUSE to have anything to do with Angie outside of the workplace. Do not flirt, do not joke around, and absolutely do not be tempted to run away with her. More importantly still, absolutely DO NOT fire or otherwise retaliate against Angie. If I were you, I would ask to be reassigned to a different department. If that ends up affecting your future career progression, so be it. Far better that than to risk a very serious lawsuit.

P.S. In light of all the sexual harassment/assault accusations in the news of late, I would tread especially carefully. As you are clearly Angie’s superior at work, your behavior could well constitute sexual harassment. Not only will you risk losing your family by pursuing a relationship with her, but you may well wind up risking your job. You should absolutely apologize to Angie at your earliest convenience and explain to her that you are not interested in pursuing any kind of future romantic relationship. If she gets upset in the wake of this and approaches HR, then again, the onus of responsibility ultimately falls upon you. Best of luck, and I do hope that everything works out for you.

 


 

Feel free to contact Anonymous Zaius and ask him dating/relationship questions at AnonymousZaius@gmail.com.

For the record, Anonymous Zaius (AKA Jason Famous) is not, nor has he ever been, a licensed counselor or psychologist. What advice he has to give was acquired the old-fashioned way, through the dual schools of both hard knocks and his own personal dating experience. It thus goes without saying the above dating advice is to be used for purposes of entertainment only.

 

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November 8, 2017

 

snowy-trees

 

A.Z.,

My problem is that my girlfriend is driving me totally crazy. Needless to say, I love her with all my heart. She is both super-hot and super-sexy. That being said, she is also self-admittedly “boy-crazy.” I swear to God, the only thing she ever seems to do is talk about all her meathead former boyfriends. When she isn’t discussing one of her very many numerous exes, then you for sure know that she’s bringing up one of her even more numerous “flings.” I try to be a really good boyfriend. I buy her flowers whenever I can, and I’m saving up to buy her some expensive designer jewelry to surprise her with on Christmas. So I can’t for the life of me begin to fathom why all she ever seems to do is talk about all her exes: about how super-hot and muscular they all were, even how stylish and so very expert in bed! I’ve even begun having nightmares at night about finding her in bed with a good number of her previous exes. When I told her about my nightmares, and about how crappy she makes me feel whenever she brings up her past boyfriends, she right away laughed at me. In her mind, this just goes to serve me right—as for far too long have men been allowed to rule in power over women. I’m sorry, but what in the world does that have to do with me? I’ve never considered women to be inferior, nor have I ever treated women in any way differently from how I’d like to be treated. If anything, I’ve always felt the need to treat women far better than I’ve ever treated my fellow men.

We have been going together for nearly two months now, and I was actually considering maybe marrying her. To be honest, I’m just not sure if I any longer see that in the cards for us. At least not if she continues to keep driving me totally nuts like this!

—Being Driven Totally Crazy

 

Hi, Totally Crazy.

Was there supposed to be a question for me somewhere in there? Because even if you don’t have any questions, I sure as hell have my fair share of advice for you. More than anything else, why don’t you just break up with her already? This woman obviously enjoys driving you crazy. Why else would she keep continuing to torture you—especially after you have already communicated your concerns with her? That she chose to shrug off the damage that she is doing to you—in the name of the equality of the sexes, apparently—says pretty much everything. It is also rather telling that she has had so many failed relationships. Needless to say, a whole plethora of guys before you has apparently seen fit to cut all ties with her. Moreover, has it ever occurred to you that she’s just simply not that happy with your current relationship? She wouldn’t be the first woman in history to purposely try and drive a man insane, instead of simply coming straight out and telling him she wants to break up. Besides which, you have only dated this woman for TWO MONTHS!!! So why would the notion of marriage have ever even occurred to you?

In summation, the woman you are currently dating is in every way totally nuts. Run away now, while you still have the chance. And run away as fast as you can.

 


 

Feel free to contact Anonymous Zaius and ask him dating/relationship questions at AnonymousZaius@gmail.com.

For the record, Anonymous Zaius (AKA Jason Famous) is not, nor has he ever been, a licensed counselor or psychologist. What advice he has to give was acquired the old-fashioned way, through the dual schools of both hard knocks and his own personal dating experience. It thus goes without saying the above dating advice is to be used for purposes of entertainment only.

 

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October 25, 2017

 

Keeper Cover

 

Hello, all.

Unfortunately, I have not received enough quality questions to actually post anything this week. I was hoping to post an advice column at the very least biweekly, but first I will have to receive an ample number of publishable-quality questions. In the meantime, I figured I might as well shamelessly plug my inaugural e-book, which I hope to release on Amazon sometime around Christmas.

The tentative title of the e-book is How to Get a Girl, Then Convince Her You’re a Keeper. More than anything else, it is devoted to precisely what the title implies: How to first meet (and recognize) a worthy life mate, afterwards persuading her that you, yourself, are in every way worth keeping. Culled from my own plethora of previous dating mishaps, as well as the past dating experiences of numerous others, How to Get a Girl, Then Convince Her You’re a Keeper entails a step-by-step, detailed approach to near-guaranteed future dating success. I should know, as these are the very same philosophies and techniques that allowed for me to meet, and then eventually marry, my beautiful wife.

My biggest goal with the release of this e-book—as well as this website—is to prevent other young men out there from making the same dating mistakes that I have. If I can prevent even one young man out there from experiencing the same level of confusion and heartache that I once had to suffer through, then perhaps all of this has been worth it.

Sincerely,

Jason “A.Z.” Famous

 

P.S. Please keep your questions coming in. This site would not exist if it were not for your questions!

 

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