Monthly Archives: September 2018

September 29, 2018

 

Autumn Trees

 

A.Z.,

My husband’s name is Harry. We have been married for over twenty years. Harry is now in his middle forties, and he also has significant issues with ED. I am also in my middle forties. Although Harry is often reluctant to be “intimate” (probably because of his ED, which I do believe he is secretly ashamed of), I almost certainly still have needs (which I take care of the old fashioned way, by using a vibrator). That we only have relations a handful of times a year I can honestly live with, as Harry is an otherwise exemplary husband. Whenever I bring up our lack of sex, Harry almost always grumbles about how his sex drive just isn’t what it used to be. At the exact same time, however, I know that Harry pleasures himself fairly frequently—and that he uses his hidden stash of pornography whenever he does so. Granted, I also am apt to on occasion pleasure myself—but never have I ever required any “outside assistance,” like pornography or the Internet.

So I guess all that, in a nutshell, brings me straight to the heart of my question: Why, if Harry is apparently able to “get it up” several times a week to pleasure himself to pornography, can he not “get it up” to just as frequently pleasure me? Nice as my vibrator is, I miss my husband.

—Tired of Going It Solo

 

Hi, Solo.

Believe it or not, but the answer to your question is more than just a tad bit complicated. If, in fact, your husband is suffering from ED—and, as you say, he is “secretly ashamed” of it—then it probably isn’t all that surprising that he more often than not resorts to pornography. Men are very visual creatures, and pornography may be one of the few ways in which your husband can guarantee himself the expected results. The pressure of performing adequately for you when you are intimate may also be taking a psychological toll. Needless to say, if Harry is worried he won’t be able to maintain his erection while being intimate with you, then it is almost a certainty that he won’t be able to. That being said, perhaps the reason masturbating to pornography works so well for him is because he is able to do so without the added pressure to pleasure you. I am also assuming that Harry has discussed all this with a qualified medical professional. If not, then please urge Harry to right away do so. Not only will this help to rule out that there is not a more serious underlying cause of his ED (like prostate cancer), but Harry might well be given a means to regain his previous stamina and/or libido.

By the way, not to unnecessarily nitpick, but you using a vibrator to pleasure yourself is the very definition of “outside assistance.” Like the Good Book says, “Judge not, lest you, yourself, be judged.”

 


 

Feel free to contact Anonymous Zaius and ask him dating/relationship questions at AnonymousZaius@gmail.com.

For the record, Anonymous Zaius (AKA Jason Famous) is not, nor has he ever been, a licensed counselor or psychologist. What advice he has to give was acquired the old-fashioned way, through the dual schools of both hard knocks and his own personal dating experience. It thus goes without saying the above dating advice is to be used for purposes of entertainment only.

 

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September 9, 2018

 

Sunset Tree

 

A.Z.,

I recently started dating a girl named Susan. She is as close to perfect as a human woman could ever possibly be. More than that, we seem to be compatible in every conceivable way. Ideal as she may be, Susan and I have only very recently come to a place of what appears to be irreconcilable conflict. I actually met Susan through my twin brother, Jimmy, who just so happens to be dating Susan’s twin sister, Caroline. Jimmy and Caroline had both been dating for something like four or five weeks, when Susan and I just so happened to meet each other and very quickly hit it right off. At first we started dating merely as just a lark . . . because how funny would that not suddenly appear to everyone, seeing two identical sets of twins simultaneously dating each other? Before we knew it, however, both Susan and I had fallen very deeply in love—to the total consternation of my twin brother Jimmy. In no uncertain terms, Jimmy has informed me that he finds it in no way funny that both Susan and I are dating at the same time as Jimmy and Caroline are. Jimmy has, in fact, very recently given me nothing less than an ultimatum: that I now must choose between continuing to date Susan and staying friends with my brother.

Needless to say, Jimmy is the closest thing I have ever had to a best friend in the world. At the same time, I would like to see where my relationship with Susan is ultimately going. Although Jimmy seems to feel that Caroline is “the one” for him, and he plans to one day eventually marry her, it is obvious that his relationship with Caroline has been strained for quite some time. That being said, what the hell do I do? Do I dump Susan, who I love with all my heart, just to make my twin brother happy, or do I wait Jimmy and Caroline out, praying and hoping for my girlfriend’s sister to finally dump him?

—Between a Rock and a Hard Place

 

Hi, Hard Place.

I have to say, what a convoluted scenario you have presently found yourself embroiled within. I understand your need to preserve your relationship with your twin brother at all costs, but, in all honesty, a good, caring brother should have never put you in such a difficult place to begin with. As your twin brother’s relationship with your girlfriend’s twin sister (have I finally got that right?) already shows obvious signs of strain, the last thing you should now have to do is jeopardize the relationship you have been fortunate enough to foster with Susan. Difficult as true love can sometimes be to come by in this strange, mysterious, and oftentimes very unfair world of ours, take full and total advantage of it while you still can. You never know, Susan may well be the true one for you. And no one, no matter how powerful or close he or she may be to you, has the right to try and squash that. If it ultimately comes to cost you your relationship with your twin brother, then so very well be it. True friends (not to mention true family) should be present to support and empower you, not dash your most heartfelt dreams to dust.

 


 

Feel free to contact Anonymous Zaius and ask him dating/relationship questions at AnonymousZaius@gmail.com.

For the record, Anonymous Zaius (AKA Jason Famous) is not, nor has he ever been, a licensed counselor or psychologist. What advice he has to give was acquired the old-fashioned way, through the dual schools of both hard knocks and his own personal dating experience. It thus goes without saying the above dating advice is to be used for purposes of entertainment only.

 

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