My boyfriend and I have been dating for nearly ten years. Needless to say, neither one of us are getting any younger. When we first met, we were both still in our early twenties. Now we are swiftly approaching our mid-thirties, and the prospect of marriage has not come up even once. At first, I just thought that Jim, my boyfriend, was waiting for the proper time. Yet here we are, all these many years later, and he still has yet to propose. I have begun to hint around, even suggesting that we go look at rings, but nope, Jim is apparently too dense and thick-headed to get the drift of what I am so obviously trying to imply. My biological clock is also loudly ticking, as I would very much like to have kids before I am forty (and would prefer to be married before finally doing so). What can I do to convince Jim to marry me? It goes without saying that I don’t want to be a pushy girlfriend, but I am honestly at my wits’ end. We live together, split all the expenses equally between us, and even have joint credit card and bank accounts. So why in the hell can’t we just finally be married?
—Looking for More
Hi, Looking for More.
The way I see it, you essentially have two options. Either you can come clean to Jim (and very clearly delineate your feelings), or you can leave things as they are. In truth, as you both live together and already have joint credit card and banking accounts, the only thing you are lacking in regards to marriage is a mere piece of government-sanctioned paper. You may also want to look into common-law marriage requirements, depending on what U.S. state you happen to be living in.
Needless to say, it sounds like you very much want your boyfriend to marry you. That being the case, I would immediately talk to Jim about it. True, you may perhaps be putting your relationship at risk, but far better that, don’t you think, than to continue to suffer in silence? Like you, yourself said, neither one of you are getting younger. So the sooner you finally talk to Jim, and get some legitimate answers, so very much the better. At least that way you will finally know.
Feel free to contact Anonymous Zaius and ask him dating/relationship questions at AnonymousZaius@gmail.com.
For the record, Anonymous Zaius (AKA Jason Famous) is not, nor has he ever been, a licensed counselor or psychologist. What advice he has to give was acquired the old-fashioned way, through the dual schools of both hard knocks and his own personal dating experience. It thus goes without saying the above dating advice is to be used for purposes of entertainment only.