To put it bluntly, should I marry my long-time boyfriend or not? We have been dating for close to six years. At first, after maybe a year of dating, we talked all the time about one day getting married. Now, however, he never even brings it up. When I do broach the topic of us getting married, he right away gets a disgusted look on his face. He then immediately changes the subject. I also know for a fact that he does not want children, while I, on the other hand, very much do. It is now getting to the point where all my female friends are getting married and already having children. I am fit and attractive and always watch what I eat. So it’s not like my husband doesn’t find me attractive—especially since we have sex almost all the time. The last time I brought the idea of marriage up, he sighed and then reluctantly agreed—so long as I do all the wedding planning and pay for every cent of it. Needless to say, I can hardly afford this—as he works full-time at a high-paying investment firm, and I am still going to school for counseling and can only afford to work part-time serving drinks. When I brought up rings, he also suggested that we buy our own. As men’s rings are way less expensive than ladies’ rings, I again feel like I am getting the shaft. I’m even considering getting a loan to cover the ring and the wedding, just so that we can finally be married.
Whatever it takes and I’m willing to do it—so long as the two of us can finally be married. I still can’t believe that he doesn’t want to be involved in any way with the planning of the wedding—other than telling me it cannot take place during hunting season, as he usually travels for several days at a stretch to Wyoming, Montana, and sometimes even Colorado. As it is, he told me all he wants to do with the planning of the wedding is be given both a time and a place to show up in his tux.
I hate to tell you this, but your boyfriend sure sounds awfully selfish. So much so that I can’t help but wonder why you are even contemplating marriage. It’s not like a switch is magically thrown when two people get married and their problems all at once miraculously dissolve. If anything, marriage will only further amplify whatever problems the two of you already have—as you will then be legally bound to each other. More than anything else, it sounds like your boyfriend still has yet to learn to share. And, if he’s not willing to share now, while the two of you are only dating, in what way do you think a mere marriage certificate is going to change anything? Beyond his selfishness, are you really sure you want to marry someone who sounds so adamant about not having children? As selfish as your boyfriend sounds, do not expect him to change once the two of you finally marry. If children is what you want, you might be better served looking elsewhere.
Feel free to contact Anonymous Zaius and ask him dating/relationship questions at AnonymousZaius@gmail.com.
For the record, Anonymous Zaius (AKA Jason Famous) is not, nor has he ever been, a licensed counselor or psychologist. What advice he has to give was acquired the old-fashioned way, through the dual schools of both hard knocks and his own personal dating experience. It thus goes without saying the above dating advice is to be used for purposes of entertainment only.