Monthly Archives: January 2018

January 31, 2018


Red Utah Mountains



I hardly even know where to begin. My girlfriend and I have been dating for nearly nine long years. She keeps hinting around about us maybe getting married, but I still find myself having second thoughts. It goes without saying that I love her. It’s just that I’m not sure whether or not I still want to marry her. She’s sort of the bread-winner, and besides, she’s gained quite a bit of weight. Granted, I’ve gained some weight myself. But so too have all the rest of my buddies. And it’s not like getting married isn’t going to cost us anything.

More than anything, I’m just sick and tired of being undecided all the time. I’d even think about maybe hopping on Craigslist and finding someone to cheat with. I know I’d probably enjoy it for sure, but I’d be doing it more to give my current girlfriend a good reason to dump me. But I’m real self-conscious about some of the weight I’ve gained, and the last thing I want to do is wind up getting some kind of disease. I’d definitely for sure use a condom, but still, you never know. And besides, how many of these girls people wind up contacting on Craigslist turn out to be prostitutes? The last thing in the world I’d want to do is wind up getting arrested, with my picture showing up on the front page of the local newspaper. Granted, at least my girlfriend would finally find out about me—but so too would all my friends and my coworkers. I suppose I could try and find a girlfriend in some out of the way town where nobody knows me, but that just seems like too much work—to say nothing of a whole hell of a lot of gas money. But still, I suppose it’s better that than being arrested and having my face show up in the newspaper.

So, what do you say? Should we get married, or should we break up? Like I said, I’m sick and tired of being undecided.

P.S. Thanks for giving guys like us somebody to bounce our ideas off. The only person I can talk to about real psychological stuff like this is my girlfriend—and there’s no way in hell I’d be able to confide in her about this.

—Perpetually Undecided


Hi, Undecided.

So let me get this straight. You’re not sure that you want to get married because your potential wife has gained a little weight—which you, yourself, can also admit to? And what in the world does her being the breadwinner have to do with anything? That you’re even taking the time to ask me this question makes it plainly evident that you most certainly SHOULD NOT get married to your girlfriend . . . only not because she’s not particularly right for you, but because you are not right for her.

I honestly don’t know if I’ve ever heard of anything more self-centered or inconsiderate in my life. You give countless reasons for not wanting to cheat on her: that you’re self-conscious about the weight you’ve gained, that you’re worried about transacting a venereal disease, that you might wind up getting arrested, etc. Well, what about the most important reason of all: That it’s simply NOT RIGHT to sleep around on your significant other? I appreciate the kind words in your postscript, I truly do, but take a quick second to review your words for me. Like you, yourself, freely admit: “The only person [you] can talk to about real psychological stuff like this is [your] girlfriend. . . . ” And this is the way you see fit to repay her, after nearly nine long years of being able to both trust and confide in her—by seriously considering cheating on her?

In the end, the advice I have for you is both clear-cut and amazingly simple: If you don’t want to be with your girlfriend anymore, then tell her. I wouldn’t be surprised in the least if she turns out to be even more relieved than you are.



Feel free to contact Anonymous Zaius and ask him dating questions at

For the record, Anonymous Zaius (AKA Jason Famous) is not, nor has he ever been, a licensed counselor or psychologist. What advice he has to give was acquired the old-fashioned way, through the dual schools of both hard knocks and his own personal dating experience. It thus goes without saying the above dating advice is to be used for purposes of entertainment only.


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January 19, 2018


Keeper Cover (300 dpi)


I’m very proud to announce that my first ever published e-book is now finally available for purchase. Entitled How to Get a Girl, Then Convince Her You’re a Keeper, this book promises to entail exactly what the title implies: it being nothing less than a detailed guidebook to how to go about approaching a stunningly beautiful and then getting her to realize what a great guy you are.

Culled from my own personal relationship experience, as well as the romantic advice/experiences of numerous others, How to Get a Girl, Then Convince Her You’re a Keeper is very much devoted to preventing other young men out there from making the same stupid mistakes when it comes to dating that I did. Not only is it my hope that many young men out there may well avoid both heartbreak and very terrible confusion, but so too will many women out there also be able to benefit: as the truly good guys out there, who are probably too afraid to approach beautiful women and attempt to date them (like I once was), are now being given the tools and the confidence by which to at long last finally do so.

As I write within the pages of my inaugural e-book, “If even one young man out there is spared the same kind of endless heartache that I, myself, was once exposed to, then I consider this whole literary adventure in every way worth it.” And I wholeheartedly stand by that. This book is in no way about making money or even turning a profit; it is instead about putting as much positivity out there and helping as many other people as I possibly can.

As always, my friends, thanks so much for loyally reading!


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January 3, 2018





Since you seem to know so much about the male viewpoint, I thought perhaps you wouldn’t mind maybe helping me. I have been dating my current boyfriend for close to three years, two years of which time we have been engaged. This is the third marriage for the both of us, and I am a very proud grandma. At first, all was well with “Theodore.” We seemed to have so much in common. We both liked to go out, and we both liked to be the life of the party. Good as things initially were, there have been their fair share of red flags. For one thing, Theodore can’t seem to hold down a job for more than a few weeks or months at a time. While I am quickly approaching retirement, Theodore has almost nothing by way of savings, and he is already five years older than I am. Again and again, he keeps being fired, and every single time, he believes it all to be the fault of his employer. That he likes to drink so much, and is often hungover, I believe to be a big part of the problem. Whenever I bring this up, Theodore right away becomes defensive. He will yell and sometimes even threaten to hit me. Naturally he always apologizes, but that is only after he has sobered up.

Sad as all that is, I can live with it, if only because I love him so. That being said, there is one area that I just can’t seem to find myself willing to reconcile. Family is extremely important to me. There is simply nothing I wouldn’t do to please my kids and my many grandkids. It has recently come to my attention that none of my three adult children seem to in any way approve of my relationship with Theodore. It doesn’t help that Theodore seems to have no desire to socialize with my children and grandchildren, or in any way interact with them. When they do come over to visit, he goes down to the basement to watch football and make himself cocktails. As soon as they leave, he then comes upstairs, either expecting me to fix dinner or to have sex with him. When he is drunk like that, he expects me to do things that in no way sexually appeal to me. More than once, I have found myself giving in, if anything just to avoid what I know will ultimately wind up being a big fight. Again, I can live with all that—if Theodore could just find it in his heart to actually interact with my family. Like I said, we are engaged to be married, and my family will very soon be one and the same as his family. If he could just stop drinking so much and actually seek out a relationship with my kids and my grandkids, our lives would be almost close to perfect.

So all that, in a nutshell, is why I now find myself writing to you. Is there anything I can do to convince Theodore to put the bottle to the side and interact with my family? Needless to say, I am getting up there in years and do not want to be alone. Any advice and/or suggestions would be very much appreciated!

—Getting Antsy


Hello, Antsy.

And you are marrying this Theodore fellow why? It sounds to me like he is little more than an abusive and antisocial drunk. That he is unable to hold down a job due to his drinking, has zero by way of retirement savings, and now apparently seems content to drink his remaining days away in no way makes him an appropriate life mate or partner. I also do not think his hesitancy at building a relationship with your family has anything at all to do with his drinking. He is not an asshole because he drinks; he instead drinks because he is in fact an asshole. Do yourself a favor and cut all ties with him. As reluctant as you are to be alone (which in turn makes me question whether you do in fact actually love him), I assure you that it is a far better thing being alone than it is to be in a toxic, borderline abusive relationship. That your own grown children appear to vehemently dislike him pretty much says everything. And who would you rather have a relationship with—with your grown kids and lovely grandchildren, or an unemployable drunk who bullies you into having sex with him?



Feel free to contact Anonymous Zaius and ask him dating/relationship questions at

For the record, Anonymous Zaius (AKA Jason Famous) is not, nor has he ever been, a licensed counselor or psychologist. What advice he has to give was acquired the old-fashioned way, through the dual schools of both hard knocks and his own personal dating experience. It thus goes without saying the above dating advice is to be used for purposes of entertainment only.


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