December 20, 2017


Misty Mountains




I wrote in several months ago using the name “Watcher from Afar.” In case you don’t remember, I was the one who had a real big crush on the married mother of three living across the street. She wound up moving with her family back in September, and I had wondered whether or not I should first confront her with my feelings. You advised me not to go after her, as you didn’t think I should try to be some kind of sick and perverted homewrecker. You also seemed to suggest that I might be stalking the woman of my dreams, and so I did exactly as you advised me to. Not only did I stop watching my neighbor lady from across the street, but I didn’t even try to find out where she and her family were moving to.

Fast forward all these many months later, and I honestly couldn’t be any happier. I am finally dating the woman of my dreams, and my life is now in every way perfect. NO THANKS TO YOU, by the way, as I am actually now dating my former neighbor lady! She went jogging by my house several weeks after moving. I asked her if she wanted some water, and she right away nodded. I then invited her into my air-conditioned house, and we wound up having truly mind-blowing sex not just once, but TWICE! It turns out that she has always had a bit of a crush on me, which is why her husband wanted so badly for them all to move to the other side of town. Although she has not yet come clean to her limp-dick, pathetic little husband, she keeps telling me it is only a matter of time. She is sick and tired of his unfounded, jealous rages, and she thinks I am in way better shape. That I also enjoy going down on her (unlike her faggot husband) probably doesn’t hurt my chances any.

Anyways, I just thought I should let you know how totally wrong you were. Now that she thinks she might be pregnant—and yes, with my child, not her husband’s—it is probably only a matter of time before we finally get married. I’d almost think about inviting you to our wedding . . . if only your advice for us both hadn’t been so dreadfully wrong!

—No Longer Just Watching


Hi, No Longer Just Watching.

Thanks so much for the update. Happy as you seem to be, the last thing I’d ever want to do is burst your bubble. As it is, I see too many red flags to count. You’ve barely even started dating this still-married mother of three, and she thinks she might be pregnant with your child? And all because you give her oral, and because she thinks you’re in way better shape than her husband is? I honestly don’t even know where to begin. But I will tell you this much: It all sounds relatively shallow. Despite everything that has since happened, I still stand by my original advice to you. Any time a single guy like yourself finds himself attracted to a married mother of three, he should ALWAYS proceed with both prior forethought and caution. That you didn’t approach her before she moved I still believe to be a positive thing. This way the ball wound up in her court, just as it always should have been. Where it goes from here, now that is entirely up to the two of you (and her husband, once she finally comes to clean to him; and her three little children, who I’m sure will find it all extremely confusing; and then potentially the courts of our fine U.S. justice system, once the married woman you’re dating goes about finally implementing her divorce).

Good luck to you, as I do not think you have any idea how complicated your life is about to get. I’d say that I tried warning you, but apparently you are already well aware of that.



Feel free to contact Anonymous Zaius and ask him dating/relationship questions at

For the record, Anonymous Zaius (AKA Jason Famous) is not, nor has he ever been, a licensed counselor or psychologist. What advice he has to give was acquired the old-fashioned way, through the dual schools of both hard knocks and his own personal dating experience. It thus goes without saying the above dating advice is to be used for purposes of entertainment only.


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