Monthly Archives: December 2017

December 20, 2017

 

Misty Mountains

 

 

A.Z.,

I wrote in several months ago using the name “Watcher from Afar.” In case you don’t remember, I was the one who had a real big crush on the married mother of three living across the street. She wound up moving with her family back in September, and I had wondered whether or not I should first confront her with my feelings. You advised me not to go after her, as you didn’t think I should try to be some kind of sick and perverted homewrecker. You also seemed to suggest that I might be stalking the woman of my dreams, and so I did exactly as you advised me to. Not only did I stop watching my neighbor lady from across the street, but I didn’t even try to find out where she and her family were moving to.

Fast forward all these many months later, and I honestly couldn’t be any happier. I am finally dating the woman of my dreams, and my life is now in every way perfect. NO THANKS TO YOU, by the way, as I am actually now dating my former neighbor lady! She went jogging by my house several weeks after moving. I asked her if she wanted some water, and she right away nodded. I then invited her into my air-conditioned house, and we wound up having truly mind-blowing sex not just once, but TWICE! It turns out that she has always had a bit of a crush on me, which is why her husband wanted so badly for them all to move to the other side of town. Although she has not yet come clean to her limp-dick, pathetic little husband, she keeps telling me it is only a matter of time. She is sick and tired of his unfounded, jealous rages, and she thinks I am in way better shape. That I also enjoy going down on her (unlike her faggot husband) probably doesn’t hurt my chances any.

Anyways, I just thought I should let you know how totally wrong you were. Now that she thinks she might be pregnant—and yes, with my child, not her husband’s—it is probably only a matter of time before we finally get married. I’d almost think about inviting you to our wedding . . . if only your advice for us both hadn’t been so dreadfully wrong!

—No Longer Just Watching

 

Hi, No Longer Just Watching.

Thanks so much for the update. Happy as you seem to be, the last thing I’d ever want to do is burst your bubble. As it is, I see too many red flags to count. You’ve barely even started dating this still-married mother of three, and she thinks she might be pregnant with your child? And all because you give her oral, and because she thinks you’re in way better shape than her husband is? I honestly don’t even know where to begin. But I will tell you this much: It all sounds relatively shallow. Despite everything that has since happened, I still stand by my original advice to you. Any time a single guy like yourself finds himself attracted to a married mother of three, he should ALWAYS proceed with both prior forethought and caution. That you didn’t approach her before she moved I still believe to be a positive thing. This way the ball wound up in her court, just as it always should have been. Where it goes from here, now that is entirely up to the two of you (and her husband, once she finally comes to clean to him; and her three little children, who I’m sure will find it all extremely confusing; and then potentially the courts of our fine U.S. justice system, once the married woman you’re dating goes about finally implementing her divorce).

Good luck to you, as I do not think you have any idea how complicated your life is about to get. I’d say that I tried warning you, but apparently you are already well aware of that.

 


 

Feel free to contact Anonymous Zaius and ask him dating/relationship questions at AnonymousZaius@gmail.com.

For the record, Anonymous Zaius (AKA Jason Famous) is not, nor has he ever been, a licensed counselor or psychologist. What advice he has to give was acquired the old-fashioned way, through the dual schools of both hard knocks and his own personal dating experience. It thus goes without saying the above dating advice is to be used for purposes of entertainment only.

 

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December 6, 2017

 

Alt Yosemite

 

A.Z.,

My troubles began back in August of this year. I am a software engineer at a well-known, internationally reputable software company. I have a beautiful wife, three kids, and a large dream house that is close to finally being paid off. For all intents and purposes, I appear to have a perfect life. Unfortunately, it all began to veer off the rails for me with the hiring of “Angie,” one of the test engineers who now currently works for me. Not only is Angie very good-looking, but the two of us actually have quite a bit of previous history. She was in fact my one big, unrequited crush from all the way back in high school. That I never dared approach her or talk to her you could probably well understand. I was a bit geeky back in high school, and I was also incredibly awkward when it came approaching the opposite sex. Now, on the other hand, I have no choice but to interact with Angie on an everyday basis. To my great surprise, it actually seems like Angie is into me. At first, it began with mere flirtation. The two of us would talk and joke around with each other. Before long, we both found ourselves working on projects together late into the evening hours. Then, just last week, I confessed to Angie that I had always had a simply massive crush on her. She laughed after I’d finally admitted this, as she too had apparently always harbored similar feelings. We then shared a quick kiss on the lips, which in turn made me immediately backtrack. Not only did I betray my beautiful wife by kissing this Angie woman, but it also seemed like I had betrayed my three little daughters. Am I tempted to run off and make a new life for myself with Angie, who is nothing less than the complete and utter woman of my dreams? Yes, absolutely. At the same time, I have always strived hard to be a good guy, and the last thing I would ever want to do is be disloyal to my family.

So this now is my conundrum: Do I take off with Angie, effectively exiting my dream life and abandoning my family, or do I find a way to justify having Angie be fired? Needless to say, I cannot endure working with a woman who continues to tempt me. Leaving my job is also not a possibility, as I have been working my ass off the last twenty years to begin moving progressively up the corporate ladder. Now that I am finally in a senior position within our company, the last thing I would ever want to do is endanger it.

—Very Conflicted, and Yet Still a Complete Gentleman

 

Hi, Very Conflicted.

I understand where you are coming from. At the same time, I can’t help but make this one simple observation: In no way do you appear to be taking responsibility for your actions. You keep blaming this “Angie woman,” as you refer to her, like she alone is responsible for your current conflict. In fact, you are Angie’s superior at work. As her superior, it goes without saying that the onus of responsibility ultimately falls solely upon your shoulders; and NOT upon hers. That it is difficult for you to work around someone you used to have such strong feelings towards sort of goes without saying. If you truly do love your life, your job, and your family, then the best possible thing you can do is REFUSE to have anything to do with Angie outside of the workplace. Do not flirt, do not joke around, and absolutely do not be tempted to run away with her. More importantly still, absolutely DO NOT fire or otherwise retaliate against Angie. If I were you, I would ask to be reassigned to a different department. If that ends up affecting your future career progression, so be it. Far better that than to risk a very serious lawsuit.

P.S. In light of all the sexual harassment/assault accusations in the news of late, I would tread especially carefully. As you are clearly Angie’s superior at work, your behavior could well constitute sexual harassment. Not only will you risk losing your family by pursuing a relationship with her, but you may well wind up risking your job. You should absolutely apologize to Angie at your earliest convenience and explain to her that you are not interested in pursuing any kind of future romantic relationship. If she gets upset in the wake of this and approaches HR, then again, the onus of responsibility ultimately falls upon you. Best of luck, and I do hope that everything works out for you.

 


 

Feel free to contact Anonymous Zaius and ask him dating/relationship questions at AnonymousZaius@gmail.com.

For the record, Anonymous Zaius (AKA Jason Famous) is not, nor has he ever been, a licensed counselor or psychologist. What advice he has to give was acquired the old-fashioned way, through the dual schools of both hard knocks and his own personal dating experience. It thus goes without saying the above dating advice is to be used for purposes of entertainment only.

 

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