Monthly Archives: November 2017

November 8, 2017





My problem is that my girlfriend is driving me totally crazy. Needless to say, I love her with all my heart. She is both super-hot and super-sexy. That being said, she is also self-admittedly “boy-crazy.” I swear to God, the only thing she ever seems to do is talk about all her meathead former boyfriends. When she isn’t discussing one of her very many numerous exes, then you for sure know that she’s bringing up one of her even more numerous “flings.” I try to be a really good boyfriend. I buy her flowers whenever I can, and I’m saving up to buy her some expensive designer jewelry to surprise her with on Christmas. So I can’t for the life of me begin to fathom why all she ever seems to do is talk about all her exes: about how super-hot and muscular they all were, even how stylish and so very expert in bed! I’ve even begun having nightmares at night about finding her in bed with a good number of her previous exes. When I told her about my nightmares, and about how crappy she makes me feel whenever she brings up her past boyfriends, she right away laughed at me. In her mind, this just goes to serve me right—as for far too long have men been allowed to rule in power over women. I’m sorry, but what in the world does that have to do with me? I’ve never considered women to be inferior, nor have I ever treated women in any way differently from how I’d like to be treated. If anything, I’ve always felt the need to treat women far better than I’ve ever treated my fellow men.

We have been going together for nearly two months now, and I was actually considering maybe marrying her. To be honest, I’m just not sure if I any longer see that in the cards for us. At least not if she continues to keep driving me totally nuts like this!

—Being Driven Totally Crazy


Hi, Totally Crazy.

Was there supposed to be a question for me somewhere in there? Because even if you don’t have any questions, I sure as hell have my fair share of advice for you. More than anything else, why don’t you just break up with her already? This woman obviously enjoys driving you crazy. Why else would she keep continuing to torture you—especially after you have already communicated your concerns with her? That she chose to shrug off the damage that she is doing to you—in the name of the equality of the sexes, apparently—says pretty much everything. It is also rather telling that she has had so many failed relationships. Needless to say, a whole plethora of guys before you has apparently seen fit to cut all ties with her. Moreover, has it ever occurred to you that she’s just simply not that happy with your current relationship? She wouldn’t be the first woman in history to purposely try and drive a man insane, instead of simply coming straight out and telling him she wants to break up. Besides which, you have only dated this woman for TWO MONTHS!!! So why would the notion of marriage have ever even occurred to you?

In summation, the woman you are currently dating is in every way totally nuts. Run away now, while you still have the chance. And run away as fast as you can.



Feel free to contact Anonymous Zaius and ask him dating/relationship questions at

For the record, Anonymous Zaius (AKA Jason Famous) is not, nor has he ever been, a licensed counselor or psychologist. What advice he has to give was acquired the old-fashioned way, through the dual schools of both hard knocks and his own personal dating experience. It thus goes without saying the above dating advice is to be used for purposes of entertainment only.


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