October 11, 2017


Mist Tree



Although it seems just about everyone who elicits advice from you is male, as a woman, I couldn’t help but at the very least inquire as to your opinion. I have been married to “Ted” for the past three years. At first, everything was wonderful. Over time, however, things have gradually seemed to go irretrievably south. Ted almost never seems to instigate sex, for instance—when before, after we first got married, he couldn’t seem to ever get enough of me. Whenever I bring it up, he right away gets mad and shoots me straight down. On occasion, I have even found my husband “pleasuring himself” in the shower. So I guess that’s what brings me straight to my question: Why does my husband no longer seem to be sexually interested in me? Worse still, do you maybe think he is having an affair?

—Concerned Wife


Hi, Concerned.

In all honesty, there could be a hundred million reasons for your husband’s recent disinterest. He may have some kind of hormonal deficiency, or he may indeed be sleeping around on the side. He may very well be a closet homosexual. More likely than all that, your husband might simply be bored with your sex life and/or just tired. Has he been spending longer hours at work and/or complained about the stress of his job? Are you and your husband under financial pressures? If you happen to have kids, could the stress and/or inconvenience of having those kids perhaps be having an effect on your sex life? Your husband might just be one of those men who prefers to “pleasure himself,” rather than go to all the work of actually having sex with you. Truth be told, the only way you will ever be able to know for sure is by confronting your husband and having a good old heart-to-heart. The key to an adequate sex life, just as it’s the key to a successful marriage, more of than not comes down to plain common-sense communication.


Hello, Mr. Zaius.

Like a few of my friends who clued me in to your website, I can’t help but wonder how some kind of arrogant buffoon like you thinks he has the right to tell the rest of “common folks” how to properly conduct ourselves. I don’t go storming into your home, do I, berating you with my opinions? In truth, you should just keep your arrogant head out of our business and leave us alone. Some kind of good, God-fearing Christian that you are. You probably didn’t even vote for our president!

—On the Warpath in Ohio


Hello in turn, Mr. Warpath.

In no way, shape, or form did I ever mean to show you any disrespect or inadvertently offend you. All I am trying to do with this website is give advice to whatever good folks out there might be interested in possibly benefiting from it. If you find yourself bothered or threatened by what I write on this website, I invite you not to any longer visit it. By no means am I thrusting my views or opinions on you, nor am I in any way forcing myself into your household. That you voluntarily decide to look at my website is entirely on you, good Sir, and it in no way reflects poorly upon me. In regards to whether I am a good Christian or voted for Donald Trump, that is honestly none of your business. With respect, those two designations (my religious and political affiliations) in no way have anything to do with what I am hoping to accomplish with this website: that being to entertain people (and yes, perhaps even to help them).



Feel free to contact Anonymous Zaius and ask him dating/relationship questions at AnonymousZaius@gmail.com.

For the record, Anonymous Zaius (AKA Jason Famous) is not, nor has he ever been, a licensed counselor or psychologist. What advice he has to give was acquired the old-fashioned way, through the dual schools of both hard knocks and his own personal dating experience. It thus goes without saying the above dating advice is to be used for purposes of entertainment only.


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