August 15, 2017





Is it weird that I’d rather pleasure myself to porn than spend time with my girlfriend? She’s beautiful and everything, but it just seems like too much work to keep our relationship going. For one thing, she’s not nearly as good looking as some of these up-and-coming porn stars are. And besides, she never wants to try anything new and unique. It’s either missionary or her on top, with once in a very long while her allowing me to do her doggy style. And forget about her giving me oral pleasures or us ever trying anal—as both those things are totally off the table with my current girlfriend. Even if she were actually open to some of these things, I still think I’d rather just prefer my porn. I don’t have to take my DVDs and favorite porn sites to dinner, and I never, ever have to worry about remembering their birthdays or buying them expensive flowers (which are just doomed to eventually die, by the way). I also don’t have to worry about my porn or my favorite sex toys ever not being “in the mood.”

—Already Satisfied


Hi, Satisfied.

To each their own, right? If you prefer your porn and your sex toys to your girlfriend, then so very well be it. But don’t you at least think you should be honest with your girlfriend first? Let her know you’re not satisfied, and at least give the two of you a chance to rectify things. Otherwise, why are you even still dating her? More than anything, you don’t want to string her along any more than you already have. If you have to cut all ties, then there you have it. Just try to be gentle with your girlfriend when you do decide to finally do it.

More and more, it seems like plenty of young men (as well as plenty of young women) are more than happy staying home and pleasuring themselves, rather than pursuing actual relationships. That is all fine and good, but I do believe this is yet another indication of how truly turned around our society has become. In a way, there is nothing more satisfying than building a real relationship with a real human building—despite all the challenges and despite what now and then might appear to be real frustrations. Still, is that not what makes anything that is truly worthwhile ultimately worth grasping after: that it wasn’t easy, and that it wasn’t always so clear-cut and simple? In a way, a challenge is sometimes the biggest turn-on of all. And there is nothing at all challenging about switching on a computer or DVD player and then using it to pleasure yourself.



Feel free to contact Anonymous Zaius and ask him dating questions at

For the record, Anonymous Zaius (AKA Jason Famous) is not, nor has he ever been, a licensed counselor or psychologist. What advice he has to give was acquired the old-fashioned way, through the dual schools of both hard knocks and his own personal dating experience. It thus goes without saying the above dating advice is to be used for purposes of entertainment only.


Back to Top