May 5, 2018

 

Red Rock Falls

 

A.Z.,

My girlfriend, who may soon be my fiancée (because who knows, right?), just recently moved in with me. We live in a two-bedroom apartment that is equidistant between our two separate workplaces. Our building was in such high demand that we actually had to be put on a waiting list in order to get into it. Now that we are finally living together, I am finding myself tremendously bothered by the fact I am not the first guy she’s ever lived with. She has in fact lived with three other guys before me, with whom she had been in very serious, long-term relationships—and she is only twenty-three!

The strange thing is that none of this bothered me until we finally found ourselves living together. Right away, she started acting all motherly: doing most of the cooking, the dishes, the cleaning, the laundry, all the decorating, etc. As thankful as I am that she is willing to do so much to make our lives so very comfortable, I am bothered by the fact she more than likely behaved the same exact way in regards to the three guys she previously lived with. These same three guys, who in a similar way were once made to feel so very special, eventually found themselves to be purely disposable—as it was in fact my current girlfriend who eventually broke things off with them. Her reasons for doing so also seemed incredibly petty: in two cases because the guys started putting on too much weight (as she is in fact an incredible cook), and in the last case because she found out the guy had one time, very long ago, made out with a male friend of his back in high school. Despite the cold and cruel ways in which she eventually came to dump them, my current girlfriend behaved towards these three guys the exact same way in which she now behaves towards me—doing all the cooking, and the cleaning, and being nothing less than an absolute sex goddess.

In effect, I find myself wondering how special I actually am to her. If she was willing to behave the same way towards three previous guys before me, how now am I supposed to feel in any way special? For all I know, I am just simply a mere stepping stone to the next guy she hopes to eventually shack up with and then play house.

—Hopefully Not Just Another Stepping Stone

 

Hi, Stepping Stone.

On the one hand, I can sort of see where you are coming from. On another, do you have any idea how lucky you are? This woman seems in every way completely perfect. That she was in a serious relationship with three guys before you is what seems to me to be your biggest problem. In this day and age, it is not nearly all that uncommon for two young people to jump the gun and right away move in together—only to ultimately find that they are in no way compatible. For all you know, this is perhaps the very reason your girlfriend’s three previous live-in relationships came to eventually flounder. So far as I can tell, it is your own insecurities (and, might I say, jealousy) that you now have to work on—unless of course you want to jeopardize your current relationship. Just make sure you don’t put on too much weight from your girlfriend’s cooking or have a history of acting on latent homosexual tendencies—in which case you can pretty much consider yourself totally fucked.

 


 

Feel free to contact Anonymous Zaius and ask him dating/relationship questions at AnonymousZaius@gmail.com.

For the record, Anonymous Zaius (AKA Jason Famous) is not, nor has he ever been, a licensed counselor or psychologist. What advice he has to give was acquired the old-fashioned way, through the dual schools of both hard knocks and his own personal dating experience. It thus goes without saying the above dating advice is to be used for purposes of entertainment only.

 

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April 21, 2018

 

Green Sunset

 

A.Z.,

Compared to other people’s relationship issues, this may well be nothing. Still, I would be lying if I said it didn’t bother me. From the beginning of my relationship with my girlfriend Mindy, she has continually questioned my faithfulness. Every time I stop at a store after work or go out with my buddies, I have to keep Mindy apprised of my whereabouts. Several times now she has even “spontaneously” shown up at the places I told her I was, as if to check up on me.

Needless to say, I would never in a million years ever think to cheat on her, as I am in fact completely in love with her. The only downside to continuing to date her is of course her constant paranoia. Worse still, I recently learned that Mindy had her sister, who is a state social worker, look into my past history when we first started dating. In a way, I feel like this was a complete betrayal of trust on Mindy’s part—and this, at the very beginning of our rapidly burgeoning relationship. If only I would have known then how little she apparently trusts me, who knows if we would even still be together?

—So Tired of Her Constant Paranoia

 

Hi, So Tired.

From what I can tell, it sounds like your relationship is perfectly adequate otherwise. You are completely in love with her, and I’m assuming she is also very much in love you. (Perhaps too much in love, as she also appears to have the need to perpetually control you.) That being said, having one’s integrity being questioned certainly can’t be any fun. What I would suggest is that you sit her down and talk to her, telling Mindy how much her paranoia bothers you, and, just like you said, that you would never in a million years ever think to cheat on her. If that is not enough for her, you may well have to look into relationship counseling (which I honestly hate to suggest, seeing as how the two of you are only just DATING), as there may be some underlying medical condition causing her to be paranoid.

In regards to having Mindy’s sister look into your background before dating you, what else can we all possibly expect? Things have very much changed for all of us with the omnipresent Internet, and we have far more information at our fingertips than is now probably good for us. For your own mental wellbeing, I would forget about the fact her sister researched you, and instead focus on the here and now. As digitized as our society has now become, it is my prediction researching one’s potential romantic partner online will soon be nothing less than an assumed, automatic process.

 


 

Feel free to contact Anonymous Zaius and ask him dating/relationship questions at AnonymousZaius@gmail.com.

For the record, Anonymous Zaius (AKA Jason Famous) is not, nor has he ever been, a licensed counselor or psychologist. What advice he has to give was acquired the old-fashioned way, through the dual schools of both hard knocks and his own personal dating experience. It thus goes without saying the above dating advice is to be used for purposes of entertainment only.

 

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April 7, 2018

 

Keeper Cover (300 dpi)

 

Hello, all.

Unfortunately, I have not received enough quality questions to actually post anything . I was hoping to post an advice column at the very least bimonthly, but first I will have to receive an ample number of publishable-quality questions. In the meantime, I figured I might as well plug my inaugural e-book. Culled from my own plethora of previous dating mishaps, as well as the past dating experiences of numerous others, How to Get a Girl, Then Convince Her You’re a Keeper entails a step-by-step, detailed approach to near-guaranteed future dating success. I should know, as these are the very same philosophies and techniques that allowed for me to meet, and then eventually marry, my beautiful wife.

My biggest goal with the release of this e-book—as well as this website—is to prevent other young men out there from making the same dating mistakes that I have. If I can prevent even one young man out there from experiencing the same level of confusion and heartache that I once had to suffer through, then perhaps all of this has been worth it.

Sincerely,

Jason “A.Z.” Famous

 

P.S. Please keep your questions coming in. This site would not exist if it were not for your questions!

 

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March 24, 2018

 

Lone Cornfield Tree

 

A.Z.,

Maybe I just have a really overactive imagination, but I’m almost positive my boss of six months is interested in having an affair with me. We work in a customer-service-based environment. Whenever business is slow, my manager almost always begins to flirt with me. She always touches my arm when she speaks with me, and sometimes she even touches my knee. No matter what I say to her, she always laughs and flutters her eyelashes. Although she’s married and has a kid, I don’t know that she’s all that happy. Her husband is a rich prick, for one thing, for whom nothing ever seems to be good enough. She has also confided in me that they almost never have sex.

If my manager is in fact interested in me, should I go for it? The last thing I want is to make things between me and my manager any more awkward, as I plan to continue working there until I’m finally out of graduate school. At the same time, I don’t know that I want to pass up what might be a really great opportunity. Not only is my manager terribly attractive, but she seems to be actually interested. And it’s not like I’ve been having a whole lot of luck in the love department.

—More Than Just a Mere Employee?

 

Hello there, More Than Just a Mere Employee.

Looks like you have found yourself in a real pickle. On the one hand, you seem to like your job and don’t want to lose it. On the other, you don’t want to miss out on a potential romantic opportunity.

Unfortunately, I do believe it will be nearly impossible to take both paths simultaneously. You will therefore have to choose between the two options. If you do decide to pursue a romantic relationship, be warned. Even if it does work out and she is in fact interested in you, things will never again be the same for you. What if you have sex and she then regrets it? Worse still, what if her husband finally gets wind of it? Not only will things between you then be very awkward, but her entire marriage may well fall apart—with you getting the full brunt of the blame for it. I therefore suggest you focus on school and your job for the time being and see where things go. If (and that is a very big if) her marriage does not work out, you could always pursue a relationship with your manager later, AFTER you have graduated from school and no longer work there.

In the meantime, I suggest you try and stop with all the flirting. Although your manager may in fact be flirting with you—if anything, just to pass the time—that does not necessarily mean she wants things to progress to the next level. The last thing either one of you needs is to further complicate what is presumably a very busy, demanding workplace with something as potentially life-altering as an extramarital affair.

 


 

Feel free to contact Anonymous Zaius and ask him dating/relationship questions at AnonymousZaius@gmail.com.

For the record, Anonymous Zaius (AKA Jason Famous) is not, nor has he ever been, a licensed counselor or psychologist. What advice he has to give was acquired the old-fashioned way, through the dual schools of both hard knocks and his own personal dating experience. It thus goes without saying the above dating advice is to be used for purposes of entertainment only.

 

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March 10, 2018

 

Mirror Lake Mts

 

A.Z.,

Any advice for a guy getting his wife to take part in a threesome (me with her and another girl, thank you, not her and me with another guy)? I don’t want to cheat, per se, I just think adding another woman to our lovemaking might make it a little more kinky. I know for a fact my wife “experimented” with her fair share of girls back in college, so how come she apparently has no interest in inviting one of her hot, good-looking friends to come join us? I don’t even need to have sex with her friend, although that sure as hell would be a whole lot of fun. I am simply interested in expanding our sexual horizons as a married couple—for the good of our marriage, if anything, as I have in fact found myself growing rather bored.

—Interested in Just a Little More Fun

 

Hello, Interested.

No offense, but I do believe this subject should be debated purely between you and your wife. Either your wife is interested in “expanding your sexual horizons,” or she isn’t. If she is, then lucky you. If she isn’t, I really wouldn’t push it. I also wouldn’t bring up what might or might not have happened between your wife and other women back in college. Everyone goes through phases. If that happens to be an aspect of her life that your wife would rather not revisit, then there you have it. The last thing she needs is for her husband and loyal life partner to bring something up from her past like that—which she more than likely shared with you in good faith—and then use it to try and manipulate her into doing something she obviously isn’t comfortably with.

 


 

Feel free to contact Anonymous Zaius and ask him dating/relationship questions at AnonymousZaius@gmail.com.

For the record, Anonymous Zaius (AKA Jason Famous) is not, nor has he ever been, a licensed counselor or psychologist. What advice he has to give was acquired the old-fashioned way, through the dual schools of both hard knocks and his own personal dating experience. It thus goes without saying the above dating advice is to be used for purposes of entertainment only.

 

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February 23, 2018

 

Mountain Creek

 

A.Z.,

Maybe it’s just because we keep on getting older, but my relationship with my wife seems to be currently in the doldrums. We still love each other, but there just seems to be no spark. We get up every morning at the same time, eat our own separate breakfasts, quick kiss, and then head off to work. We then come home from our jobs, eat dinner, and then sit in front of the television, where we either zone out or browse our smartphones until it’s finally time for bed. Maybe once or twice a month we actually have sex. The sex is always missionary, and it is almost always over within a quick couple of minutes. We are both in our mid-forties now and we have no kids. Had I known this was what we were in for, I might have reconsidered having children. As it is, I find myself bored a good part of the time. About the only things that give me real joy anymore are alcohol and the occasional pornography. Don’t get me wrong. I totally love my wife. I just don’t know that having sex once or twice a month is quite enough for me.

In sum, is all of this normal, or is there perhaps something wrong with us?

—Bored Husband

 

Hello, Bored.

If I were the author of one of those other famous advice columns out there, I would probably suggest that you discuss all this with your doctor—after which you can count on your doctor checking your testosterone levels and then screening you for depression. So good thing that I am NOT one of those other mainstream advice columnists. What you are describing is, unfortunately, par for the course in our current day and despicable age. Instead of turning on the pointless television or browsing the Internet on your phones, sit down and actually talk to each other. Discuss your wife’s day with her, and then tell her all about your own day. If that goes nowhere, take your wife’s hands in your own, look her in the eyes, and then ask her to share with you all her innermost dreams. That you are currently bored out of your mind is in no way abnormal, nor should it be in any way surprising. There is so much more to our world than our jobs, and our phones, and our godforsaken high-definition television sets. I honestly do not believe that human beings evolved from once being apes to waste our lives away being slaves to our own technology. Instead of making love to some miserable simulacra of a beautiful woman on your TV or computer screen, try making love—and real, passionate love—to your true-to-life wife. Pour all your alcohol down the drain and remember what it is like to live, and to truly live—free of all limiting poisons and free of all psychological doubts. Take a long walk outside and breathe deeply in, surrounded by the smells and the sounds of vast nature.

No matter what anyone else might ever tell you—be that your doctor, your well-meaning friends, or even some pointless, online advice columnist—it is never too late to regain the good things we have all so foolishly lost. In truth, the only thing stopping you is in fact you.

 


 

Feel free to contact Anonymous Zaius and ask him dating/relationship questions at AnonymousZaius@gmail.com.

For the record, Anonymous Zaius (AKA Jason Famous) is not, nor has he ever been, a licensed counselor or psychologist. What advice he has to give was acquired the old-fashioned way, through the dual schools of both hard knocks and his own personal dating experience. It thus goes without saying the above dating advice is to be used for purposes of entertainment only.

 

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February 9, 2018

 

Thailand Waterfall

 

A.Z.,

To put it bluntly, should I marry my long-time boyfriend or not? We have been dating for close to six years. At first, after maybe a year of dating, we talked all the time about one day getting married. Now, however, he never even brings it up. When I do broach the topic of us getting married, he right away gets a disgusted look on his face. He then immediately changes the subject. I also know for a fact that he does not want children, while I, on the other hand, very much do. It is now getting to the point where all my female friends are getting married and already having children. I am fit and attractive and always watch what I eat. So it’s not like my husband doesn’t find me attractive—especially since we have sex almost all the time. The last time I brought the idea of marriage up, he sighed and then reluctantly agreed—so long as I do all the wedding planning and pay for every cent of it. Needless to say, I can hardly afford this—as he works full-time at a high-paying investment firm, and I am still going to school for counseling and can only afford to work part-time serving drinks. When I brought up rings, he also suggested that we buy our own. As men’s rings are way less expensive than ladies’ rings, I again feel like I am getting the shaft. I’m even considering getting a loan to cover the ring and the wedding, just so that we can finally be married.

Whatever it takes and I’m willing to do it—so long as the two of us can finally be married. I still can’t believe that he doesn’t want to be involved in any way with the planning of the wedding—other than telling me it cannot take place during hunting season, as he usually travels for several days at a stretch to Wyoming, Montana, and sometimes even Colorado. As it is, he told me all he wants to do with the planning of the wedding is be given both a time and a place to show up in his tux.

—Impatiently Waiting

 

Hello, Waiting.

I hate to tell you this, but your boyfriend sure sounds awfully selfish. So much so that I can’t help but wonder why you are even contemplating marriage. It’s not like a switch is magically thrown when two people get married and their problems all at once miraculously dissolve. If anything, marriage will only further amplify whatever problems the two of you already have—as you will then be legally bound to each other. More than anything else, it sounds like your boyfriend still has yet to learn to share. And, if he’s not willing to share now, while the two of you are only dating, in what way do you think a mere marriage certificate is going to change anything? Beyond his selfishness, are you really sure you want to marry someone who sounds so adamant about not having children? As selfish as your boyfriend sounds, do not expect him to change once the two of you finally marry. If children is what you want, you might be better served looking elsewhere.

 


 

Feel free to contact Anonymous Zaius and ask him dating/relationship questions at AnonymousZaius@gmail.com.

For the record, Anonymous Zaius (AKA Jason Famous) is not, nor has he ever been, a licensed counselor or psychologist. What advice he has to give was acquired the old-fashioned way, through the dual schools of both hard knocks and his own personal dating experience. It thus goes without saying the above dating advice is to be used for purposes of entertainment only.

 

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